Cheating is the result of other problems you need to deal with

I have been cheated on and have cheated. The decision to tell isn't easy, especially when kids and lives have been built around a marriage over time. It's not just a dating relationship that ends after a few months. Life plans, money, security/stability and innocent children are involved. Should you tell? Shouldn't you? It depends on your situation and what kind of people you and your partner are. My best advice is that you need to deal with the real reasons you (or your partner) are looking outside your relationship. Cheating isn't the problem, it's the result of the problem(s), where one partner decides to play both sides of the fence to get what they want and are betting that it will work out in their favor (which it usually doesn't). Can you work the real issues out? Give this serious thought. If not, get out of the relationship for those reasons. But if you stay and end your affair, the decision to tell is a most difficult one to make. It won't help you work out the real issues, but it also burns a hole you can't fill if you or your partner value transparency and honesty in a relationship. What do you value? Can you live with this partner and yourself knowing you didn't tell them? You have to carry the burden of your actions the rest of your life. So at least be honest with yourself.