I cheated 5 times, I confessed and lost the love of my life

I thought I could carry the guilt forever, to my grave. But the truth is it will infect your relationship. It's not worth it, don't convince yourself that cheating is worth it! Get help instead, you will never regret that path. The other choice you will regret as long as you live, and you tear your true loves heart out,,they just collapse inside. Do you really want that? Get professional help instead! Do whatever you have to do, but DON'T CHEAT!