destruction from within

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 3 years, today it ends. I have been blinded by the "perfect girl" i only see about 3 months out of the year. I have become extremely agressive and angry. I know what she is doing but believe what she tells me. I have let it consume me, thinking about her constantly and what she is doing. I have been living in a fantasy world, that she is perfect and when she finally comes home,settles, i would marry her. After reading some tips today i finally told my self to stop. I pretend everything is all right when really nothing is, she will go out and drink and call me at 5am smashed, i ask her why she has to do it and she says she is just having fun with friends, i can not and will not do it any more. For any thinking of a long term relationship dont, just dont. The first victim will be yourself.