Cheating and Lying
I Have Cheated - Now What? :
The Only Way To Build A Wonderful Relationship
How To Have A Wonderful Relationship With Someone? --
The only way to have a wonderful fulfilling relationship with someone with to love yourself, your life, and build a happy single life.
This sounds controversial but true.
Many people get into a relationship hoping that being with someone will make them happier.
The truth is, if you are not happy by yourself, there is no way you can be happy with someone else.
My wife used to cheat on me CONSTANTLY when we were dating. She would lie, lie, and lie! She would be telling me how much she loves me, and 2 seconds later, she would be chatting with someone and telling him she wants to sleep with him.
She would tell him, he is better in bed, she wants to have sex with him everyday and so on. Right after we made love to each other.
When I was on a business trip, she would plan to meet him right after I left for an airport.
This was hurting.
I kept it cool though,
I am a relationship psychologist and work with bunch of unhappy people, so I had to practice what I preach.
So, instead of getting upset and leaving her (thought about it million times) I had to look at the situation from the 3rd point of view.
First I detached myself from my feelings, I observed myself, her and the situation. What was causing her to constantly cheat.
After many months I observed her feelings,(knowing her having sex with more than several men) I found out that she was actually afraid of losing me, her former lovers
always cheated on her and left her, so she was conditioned NOT to believe in men anymore.
That caused her to cheat on me, in order to protect herself from being hurted IF I cheated. She thought that cheating on me first would make her feel better when I cheated.
She was acting so dishonest out of fear.
Many people live their lives with fear, fear of losing something or someone. And that fear causes them to act in a certain way.
And being fearful actually ATTRACT more of what they fear.
She feared me cheating, and feared her former lovers cheating on her, that was the reason she was losing many many many relationships before me.
If you are cheating or your lover is cheating on you, you can start to analyze yourself WHY you are, or she is doing it.
After I found out about her fear, I came to the conclusion to love myself, and my life. It is never possible to control someone or change someone else, so I had to change myself.
I started loving myself by having more hobbies, taking care of my health, doing exercises, attending classes to meet more interesting people, reading more books, travelling to more countries, my life got better.
I still kept my girl friend, and loved her, and living together with her, but I was taking more care of myself.
Improving my life.
Funny things happened.
More I improved my life and myself, our relationship got better. She stopped cheating on me.
There are many psychological reasons to WHY this happened but if I start writing, it would take me 200 pages to explain. So I will summarize what you have to do if you want to save your relationship,
1) Love Yourself More Than Anything
You have to love yourself, and realize that nothing will make you happy unless you make yourself happy. Your lover or your income or your situation will not cause you to feel happy. You make DECISION to feel happy, Today.
2) You Can Not Control Other People
Only thing you can control or change is yourself. If you put more attention to yourself, outside of yourself(situation) started to look differently. Or change.
Don't waste your precious energy on something you cannot control.
3) Love Your Partner For Who They Are
Love is unconditional. There are no RULES in relationships. If you make rules, then you will lose it. Let her/him do whatever she/he wants. Your partner has her/his own life and you cannot be responsible. Just learn to love her/him for who they are. You must learn to love someone before trying to recieve love from them. Things will change if you unconditionally love someone
4) Take responsibility
Whatever happens in YOUR life is depend on you. You must take 100% responsibility. If you complain, wine, and be a vitum, people never love you, or God never loves you. By taking responsibility, you can start changing yourself and your life
5) Find Your Life Mission
We all live in this world to accomplish something. We are not here to waste our lives. Find something to fulfill you, it can be some kind of business activities, writing books, recording music, or whatever. Life is way more interesting than you think now. When you start to notice this incredible opportunities we have in our lives, you stop worrying about tiny stuff. I actually plan on going to Space Trip!
6) Give Gratitude To Everything And Everyone
Start noticing little things everyday to give thanks for. We can live in this world because we are helped by someone or something. There are many things that we neglect to give gratitude. Your cheating lover may be unethical, but does she do something nice to you? You can give her appreciation. Start noticing every tiny thing that you feel thank for. Things will change when you do this.
There are many more laws of life, but I cannot write them all here. I hope you can change your life by reading this article.
Now, I will get back to my awesome life, awesome wife, and awesome kids!
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