I cheated on my partner of three years with his best friend after he moved 250 miles aways and I felt abandoned and angry. I convinced myself I didn't care about him because it seemed he didn't care about me. The amount of regret and remorse I feel is impossible to convey. He found out and though still with me, he doesn't believe he will ever love me in the same way and often, he hates me. I understand this, however painful. But how much I hate myself and how much I punish myself over this horrific, souless act will always hit deeper. I am sorry not only for the adultery itself, but for the lies, the blatent deceit and cruelty that followed there after. I keep saying, give me another chance, but what I realise now is that maybe I've been given as many chances as he could muster. I have worn him down to a shadow of himself and I could never tell him how sorry I am.
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