Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
Kiss Goodbye

I met up with this guy last year in October. It was the first time I had seen him, although we spoke for a month over the phone and msn, texts etc. I remember the first day we met. It was so perfect. However, I did get us both lost, and he also nearly got arrested for spitting on a road! But anyway, I have never felt so alive in my life, the way I did when I was with him. He brought out the best in me and I can now say I was truly in love with him.

I am insecure, and I have trust issues. Once me and him got together, all I did was try push him away. I knew deep down that was NOT what I wanted. Yet, for some reason, I couldn't control what I did to him. Constantly made him jealous. I told him I had feelings for one of my ex's still (which was complete bullsh't), and the worst part of all - I got along with his best friend on purpose, and decided to pretend also that I was falling for him and couldn't help it.

I lied and I was a fool.

He put up with everything, because he loved me and was determined to make us work. I would send him home, kick him out he house, shout back at him during arguments. But he'd still love me at the end of it all.

Then on boxing day (my birthday), my parents allowed him to stay at my house until new year. He was spending a week with me, living in the same house as me for a week. We were both very excited and once he got here he gave me all sorts of lovely presents for my birthday AND christmas. His parents also gave him presents to give to me. It was a lovely birthday tbh.

But things got worse as the days went on.

We began to argue about things we didn't even have to if it wasn't for me being such a b'tch. I would be immature and childish. I'd try make him jealous with a guy I had slept with in the past. A guy that he hated more than anyone. I would mention him ALL the time just to get a reaction.

Come new years eve - we had a huge fall out after me getting very drunk and telling him I had feelings for his best friend (whom, at the time, had fallen out with him and had made himself an enemy). He was very upset with me, and began shouting at me in front of my friends and family. I told him that he had to go home in the morning, and that I didn't ever want to see him again. He cried and pleaded me to forgive him (even though he had done nothing wrong!) I told him it was too late, then I went to my bed.

In the morning, I went to check on him, and he looked terrible. He was sitting at the edge of the spare room's bed. Hadn't had any sleep, and had very tired eyes. I kept it up, and asked him when he's planning on leaving. He told me his dad was on his way, and I nodded and left the room.

His dad appeared at the door an hour later, and I walked him to the door. I was still angry at him for embarrassing me (although I had been killing him slowly for months), he turned around to kiss me and I turned my face - leaving him with no choice other than to kiss my cheek. Then he turned back around, and walked out the door.

That was the very last time I seen him.

I thought he'd come back. He normally did.

But obviously he had enough, and he decided that it just wasn't worth the pain anymore. I spent the next 7 months crying at night over him. Questioning myself at why I let myself do that to him! I will always regret not acting the way I should have acted towards him. I loved him, more than anything. But was too afraid to let him know that because I had been hurt too many times in the past.

But now he's gone. It's been 8 months since I last seen him. I have a new boyfriend now, and i'm moving on with him. But the thought of ****, and him coming back into my life, will always be on my mind.

I miss him.


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