Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
I can't move on

I had loved this man while I was dating someone else. But they were best friends and I didn't want to break up their friendship so I never said anything I kept to myself. I guess I hoped he would stay single but he didn't he started dating someone and I was devastated. I was secretly in love but I couldn't say anything. Needless to say life went on we went on our seperate paths for 4 years and he never once left my mind. I thought of him constantly. One day we met up again and we hung out our first night together was magical. I knew in my heart that this man was the one for me. We were inseperable after that I got pregnant and we had a beautiful baby girl. It was then that things started not working. Despite the fact that I love him more than anything in the world. I could see that our relationship was failing. I had joined the ARMY to be with him. He wanted to get married before I left for basic. But I wanted to wait. I hate myself for not marrying him when I had the chance. I had all these dreams I thought when I came back that we would get married, go active, and raise our baby together and just be happy. I was wrong. When I came home everything changed surprisingly for me I loved the ARMY I felt like I had finally found the career I wanted. But he changed he longer wanted to get married, he didn't want to go active anymore. I became very bitter. We fought all the time and I said things that no one should ever say to the person they love. But I was so angry. We eventually stopped telling eachother that we loved eachother. I loved this man more than anything but despite that things got worse. It seemed like the only time we were happy was when we had sex. Eventually I kicked him out. I was so lonely and hurt that I ran into the arms of another man. I loved him with all my heart but for the life of me I can't figure out why I did it! I hate myself! He was heartbroken. Now we are having a bitter custody battle over our daughter and he has someone new in his life. I had to get a order of protection against me because he started harrassing me at work with his new girlfriend on the company phone. I hate myself for letting it get this bad. To make it worse I still love him I would email him and text him telling him how much I still loved him just to get an angry text from the girlfriend. I know he is not good for me but I love him still. I cry all the time. I am so alone. I feel like I can't go on. I try to remain strong for my daughter but it is hard. I miss him terribly and I think about him constantly. I think about him with this other woman and I just want to die. I hate myself for seeing this other man. I feel that if I would have never started seeing him that we could have worked threw our problems. I am just so heartbroken. I have anxiety all the time. I am in the darkest place I have ever been. I just don't know how much longer I can hold on.


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