Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
Understanding Love

So I was seeing him for near on 9months. He was alot older than me, but at first, when I just needed someone to make me feel better about myself, that seemed like a good thing. He knew what women wanted. I can't remember when I decided, unconsciously or not so, that his seeing other people was NOT alright. I couldn't broach the suject with him, he made me feel sexy, yes, but like a woman - one who couldn't be assertive in any way. I wouldn't say I loved him, but he damned well infatuated me for a while. It was always only supposed to be physical, so when he called me beautiful, told me I did funny things to his insides, made me look at him and tell him that I wanted him and only him - I should have known he was talking crap. I took him literally, in my naivity about him and our relationship and so when it all went sour, it was increasingly difficult to seperate the groggy, tired him whispering "Oh god, your beautiful" in the morning, from what he became.

On a night out, we fell out over something stupid and I went of with some of my other friends. He thought I'd got with someone else - and where he was aloud to sleep with whoever he liked, that was a no go for me. Resolving to sort out our argument, I went to his house. Suffice to say, he acted like an 11year old, and wouldn't speak to me. When I went to bed upstairs, he stayed down there are slept with someone else. I could hear it through the ceiling. The morning after, he at least had the conscience to be unable to look at me.

He talked the talk. About settling down, getting on with life with a dependable person, and I was too good for him - so many people told me that as I grieved over a relationship which should never have happened in the first place, but I thought, for so long "so if I'm THAT good, then why doesn't he, the only person I want, want me back?" He NEVER wanted to settle down. I finally figured him out after weeks and weeks of blaming myself. This guy, who it seems is wonderful at hurting people, is so scared of being rejected that he'll never settle down. I would have given everything to him, and he knew that, but being scared that I would take it away was enough to make him eff it up good and prope, forever. He knows sex. He understands sexual realationships. He'll never, however understand feelings, understand love. Not in the way I want to anyway.


3.78 out of 5 slimes

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