Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
check out the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Love is a very strong emotion that controls our thoughts and emotions without our concious realizing it. I fell in love with what I thought was the perfect man. I didn't look at his outter beauty nor his income, I actually looked at his heart. He said and did all the right things for the first year. We had our ups and downs, and usually our problems was from his family doing things to him. He played on my sympathy and my compassion. He preyed on my innocence and nativity because I was only 16 at the time, and he was 29. Then, after I finally married him, he started controlling my every movement. He thought that I shouldn't see my family. He told me, "They don't love you. They never wanted you. You were a mistake." And, of course because I trusted him with all my heart, I believed him. So I stayed away. Then, when we moved farther away, he started a habit that I highly disagreed with: drinking. If that wasn't bad enough, he started putting down my friends. "They are all whores. They don't care about you. Why do you associate yourself with whores? Eventually, others will think you are a whore too." And I had a child by him, by then. So, whether I was happy or not, I was dedicated to making the marriage work because I was very traditional. Then I began work. That was a mistake for our relationship because then I began to develop some independence. He wanted me totally dependent on him, mentally and physically. However, I had been living on Welfare for my son and I, and he only had SSI coming in, so I was desperate to try and make a better life for my family. This wasn't what he was wanting. Then I began getting accused of "cheating" constantly. He would take me to work and pick me up. He'd stay out the whole time I was at work, and the job itself was 45 minutes away. So it cost me more in gas than what I was making. Then, to make matters worse, I got another job, closer to home. It got worse. According to him, I was screwing everything at work. I was a whore. And, he was spending all the time "raising our son" by himself since I worked. This wasn't the case, but that is what HE thought. He finally got to where he'd come to my job and stay the whole shift with me. He'd use the excuse, "You need the help because you are pregnant. And your boss gets two for one, he pays you and I help you." Naturally, I couldn't disagree, or I would look like I had something to hide. And this would cause, yet another, fight. At last, we moved closer to mine and his family again. This caused a big uproar at home. He hated living close to my family and his own. He'd put me down and call me, "Mommy's baby" because I would call my mom and try to spend time with my family as well as balance out life at home. Then, I got out of work right before my daughter was born. He got a cash nightwatchman job, and this caused even more strife at home. I found out later he would go to his job and talk pure trash about me. He'd tell people our daughter didn't belong to him and that he was leaving me. Finally, after our daughter was born, I finally drew the line. The abuse had to stop too. Not only was he mentally abusive, he was physically abusive too. He got so drunk, that he finally went too far by choking me and breaking my elbow. When he left, I left the house and filed a DVP the next morning. Best decision I could make. My best advice, to anyone that can RELATE to ANY of this, check out the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Get help quick. It could mean your life or your children's lives.


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