Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
He Started Nice then Changed

My relationship with my ex started out with a bang...and ended that way. Against my friends' advice, I started dating him. He was immediately pressuring me to move in with him and I did after 9 months. We would have these nice long involved conversations, I felt like he cared about me, and of course sex was great. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have such a wonderful, caring, strong man in my life. Then 6 months later he turned into Mr. Hyde.

He would drink every Saturday night at home alone with me. Not a little - a lot. He said that drinking made him think clearer. At first I laughed and thought he was blowing off stress from work, but it continued. Then it was Friday and Saturday nights. Then he got a new, high paying job and we moved to another city. He asked me to marry him drunk and I accepted. He bought a house (I put in money because I thought we were building a life together), and we moved in. The next 1 1/2 years were terrible. The drinking would start sometimes Thursday night and go to Friday night, Saturday Morning and even Saturday night. He would get drunk, accuse me of thinking or saying things I didn't think or mean to say, and then we'd fight. He told me 4 different times he didn't love me and wanted me gone, then pass out and I'd be up all night crying.

"What had I done wrong?" I thought. I tried harder to please him. Cleaner house. Better dinners. Changed jobs. But it didn't stop. And always an apology the next day with the perfunctory "I love you". So I kept trying. Pretty soon I wasn't myself. I was always worried that I'd say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or screw up somehow and he'd take it out on me the next time he drank.

The fifth time he got drunk and told me he wanted me gone, I actually started looking for apartments. I couldn't understand (and still can't) how the wonderful guy I met changed into a demon. Then he apologized a couple days later and we made up. But I made a promise to get out if it happened again. I kept thinking I was in crazy land and I couldn't take it anymore. I started secertly going to counseling to try to "fix" everything he said was "wrong" about me. And my counselor laughed as I was trying to explain what he said I did and ask how I could fix my style of communcation.

And it happened again. Right when his father was staying with us. It was embarrassing. The accusations flying again from his beautiful lips, his eyes looked furious, and he refused to listen to my side of the story. A couple days later (after his father flew back home) we talked and I asked him to go to counseling with me. He said "No...it's over." So I found an apartment and left.

I love him dearly and pray for him every day. I now know that he needs to go to AA, needs counseling, and I could never accept him back unless he does so. He still owes me a lot of money (that I invested in his house). But even with all this, I'm surprised that I can't go 30 minutes without thinking about him. Where was the guy I fell in love with? Why didn't he love me back? It hurts.

Morals of the story are -- listen to your friends. If they say you probably shouldn't go out with someone, then don't.
-- Alcoholism is a serious disease. Get out before you get hurt like me.
-- Don't move in with a guy until after you're married.
-- Don't make the mistake I did. The first time he kicks you out, leave. Your heart will hurt, but not as bad as mine hurts now.


4.56 out of 5 slimes

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