Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
I really even though I love him do not want him back my heart says yes my head say no no no no no

I am 44 my ex is 33. We had a rocky start to begin with but I just was in denial .The relationship begin with. Scenerio ( A girl he and other guys called a f---buddy, was in my face everyday so I had to be friends to keep the piece) then from there he was into drugs then making them, I was so traumatized I did not know which way I was going, just that I had to make sure he did not make me loose my home my child and my life. By the way I had just he lived with me for 4 yrs. He did not work, and of course the drugs made him into a Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde. He would get up telling me to fix his breakfast, of which was brought to him in bed and I live in a two story house. If I did not comply to his wishes he would break something, throw food or drinks all over the place. Finally after awhile I got fed up and place a domestic violence order against him, because even though it is my house and I pay all the bills he is still considered the tenant. I started resenting him for all the disrespect he showed me and he ended up with 5 protection orders and then manupulating me into dropping the last one. He finally ended up in jail serving for probation violation for 8 months and all together one yr. While he was in jail I was the only one who provided any of the things he needed while in county. My parents even though I am 44 were sooooo upset because that last day when he got arrested he slapped my son in the face my son was only protecting me because the ex kicked me down the stairs. I am a great mother and very protective, See I had lost my husband 9 yrs prior and had a nice home took pride in it and my son and myself, Regardless of how it looked what happened was so wrong and placing children in situations like this is devistating. If my son had hit him that day with that golf club he would have to live with that forever. He became an ex in April 2005, I know your thinking what are you crazy!, I forgive and try to give second chances. He had to live with his mother and stepdad for a yr and a half, because of bond issues. Now they settled the case and he is feeling more free. I on the other hand did not get over this like I had thought. The resentment was still there, for all the things he had done. So in February 2005 I told him I needed more time to heal within myself because if not I would end up hating him now hate is a strong word I dont hate just disgusted that he never took responsibility for the things he had done. A couple of weeks ago his sister came by to pick up some jeans that I was giving her son, she never said anything but I knew then that he had started seeing someone. The ex is very possessive, if I drove to GA to get lotto tickets by myself he would question me, So you went all by yourself just to get tickets? I am very independent and buck and run at the someone trying to control my every breath. When I did convince him to see others he did it in such a unclassey, immature, unforgettable, way that I dont know if I can ever trust another man as long as I live. It took me so long to trust then my sould got ripped apart again. My husbands death was when my son was 3 my husband went swimming at his dads house in the river, at night, something he did routinely, but it was very busy that weekend of 1994 because the next day was Fathers Day. Well he got hit by a boat, and I was already in the bed and so were his parents. The next day started the longest hardest most gut wrenching nightmare of my life, that took part of my soul with him. He was hit by a boat of which the people did not know they did this it was dark and they probably thought they hit a log or something. June 94, was when he went missing, July 8 was when he was found by boaters and July 13th was when we laid him to rest. This whold time everyday until he was found there were people in boats and planes and special equipment and the closure it is so difficult for me to see why someone has to go through this The people who loose loved ones and never find them. So this sort of entermingles with the closure I am talking about with my ex, I find out from his sister that D's ex from highschool wants to call D up and start there one year and 3 mth relationship they had back up, so that is what happened I broke up with him in Feb, his sister had went in for some lab work where the ex worked and then he was so mean to me and telling me that I would be sorry, but I did not understand what he meant until now. He tries to turn all this on me like I caused it, Yes I broke up with him but so we both could see how we really felt, I have a very strong precognative abilitie and it was like the story unfolds, I break up with him his ex gets a divorce from her 2nd husband she also has a 8 yr old but is a girl so D will be able to get along with her. Anyway, He keeps telling me (You did this) He is trying to punish me. He has lied to me over and over and lying to the now girlfriend.
I asked him did it bring back old feelings and he said yes now mind you they had not seen each other since 1994 and he takes her to a wedding that I was suppose to go to with him. On top of that the day before he came by my house to fix something and he started trying to take my clothes off before he was to pick her up. See I did not know he was taking anyone because he lied. He figures if you cut some of the story out its not a lie. Like for instance if I asked how was the wedding and he said great, I asked did you take anyone and he said no. since he has had sex with his ex and he is still seeing her and we still talk but he does not tell her about anything. I asked him was he going to tell her about the 3 situations, he said no. I asked him does he love her he says he does not know. But that she had told him that she is in love with him. One month after she gets a divorce then she is telling him this. I asked him was he attracted to her the way he is to me, he said no. I asked him on what do you base this realtionship with on? He said she is excited to see me and talk to me on the phone. Even though I am accepting of this and I am healing myself and not worrying about them, he is still sarcastic, at times and short with me. I was very good to him, I paid truck payments for him insurance lawyers among all the things he needed while in jail not to speak about the collect phone calls. I feel very betrayed and used by him, I know he has become a different person because he had to, he works but stil lives at home. I was called a sugar momma by his so called friends, but then they would turn around and say that if you guys are partners then you should call this house his also. Excuse me one minute but it takes two to pay the bills you have to earn money first.
He tried to make it up to me but he is very impatient about wanting things to go his way when he wants it. This now girlfriend is one to be controlled she is like ok how high did you say? So sweet but it is a mask that needs to be revealed. So I tried I explained to D that what I had found out was for his benefit because hey I broke up with him,I found out in 3-4 days of working that she had money problems and two exes alot of aliases, from trying to hide from the bankruptcy and of course you know how he took it. I dont care I just wanted him to know that I am your friend regardless and that he is going to get kicked in the teeth. I dont know why I try. My parents said that he wasnt welcome back in there home because of what he had done he did not even apologize to them. He said he did not feel that he should have to that I am 44 but I tried to explain in a close family you hurt me and my son you do it to them too. D, told me last month that I was the one for him and that he did not want anyone else, but now he is turned to his ex and basically wants nothing to do with me. Or so that is what I feel anyway. Please give me some insight into this situation.
I know I sorta talked in circles but there is not enough room for what I have been through in the last 4 yrs was like my husband dying all over agin the pain the loneliness the emotional ups and downs, the guilt the gut wrenching helplessness you feel when you do not have control over anything.
I do believe everyone can change their fate, I know I did with the help of my guides and angels , I thought that if D could see if things would work out with his ex because there relationsip ended badly that maybe he would know and so would I how it would work out. I really even though I love him do not want him back my heart says yes my head say no no no no no. Thank you for your time and hope to hear from you soon. I am kinda stuck not going forward.

[RomanceClass note: this is not the webpage to ask advice but I will take the opportunity to suggest that you need to see a counselor asap. You need much more help than you can get at this site -- Good luck!]


4.64 out of 5 slimes

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