She's Cheating but I want to keep her

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Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hello, I've read a heap of your sensible responses to similar probs, and just realizing that mine are somewhat typical is disheartening since it seems as though maybe there is no way to transcend these relationship norms.. that said I'd love to find a real solution so.. here goes!

I'm in love with my fiance, and I know that she is in love with me we're both weird, we're both smart, fun, nice, candid, open etc.. and things are going well we're past the first zing of passion and I feel like I'm really good at keep things lively across the board from sex to conversation from new fashions to travel. We talk long term and entertain far flung career aspirations that will allow us to be together.

So where is the problem?.. Well embarrassingly I opened this can of wyrmms, by hacking her e-mail account password.. I know this was wrong to do, but I learned some frightful info about my intended lifemate.. namely that she has cheated on me before (although rather early on in the relationship) with various boys in a circle of friends who she met living in london england in a hostel (well before I entered the picture) she still has a huge level of internet contact with these folks and a few times has flown out to fool around with one.. or another of them, and I know she's off this weekend for the same purpose.. the other girls in the circle are encouraging her to play this cheating on me thing (they havn't met me, so they are cheering for their boys.. and not for me)

I know that she never intends to divulge this info, and she's a careful enough liar it seems to juggle happy times with me, and even more fun with "the other man" it's only this old crew from nostalgic times that I think will inspire her flings so I have some hope, but whoa!?! I need a solution!

Would simply letting her in on my blunder be a good idea!? what other angles can I accentuate to ensure that the results will involve her and I staying together? that's what I really want.. and I think she will too.. If I embarass her too harshly though I fear she may turn defensive or self-riteous, and give up on sorting it out.. I don't want to be trodden upon.. yet I don't want to come across as the honest charity case who guilted her into staying with him as That would drastically change our living and loving dynamic.

Your brilliant I've read your colunm now help.


Without my girl on NewYears weekend 2003

User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Male

I don,t have advice to give.At least he dosn,t have a child with her. T,the woman I was with,did the same thing to me even put her boyfriend on the phone to tell me off!I have a 2year old with her.Just a day ago I discovered wile watching are child,pappers with her name on it 4 a loan 4 an abortion she had in Jan.1st she said she aborted my child then later said she signed the papper 4 her girl friend.She has lied to me so manny times that I could never believe anything she say,s.Im hurt bad! And after 6 years of lieing cheating and decieving from this woman and having had problem relationships in the past.I WILL NEVER GIVE MY HEART TO ANOTHER WOMAN EVER AGIAN! NORE WILL I TRUST OR CARE FOR ANY WOMAN EVER>Only 1 person will have my heart and that is my son.

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