My fiance cheated on me 11 months before the wedding...

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Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am a 24 yr old male and have a beautiful vibrant 21 yr old fiance. She is the love of my love. Means the world to me. She went home this past weekend alone for the first time in over 2 years. I usually go with her. We have been engaged for just over a year. We have an apartment together with a lease for another 9 months, and have a new 1 yr old puppy. Everything we own we paid for together combining our money. Two days ago she called me saying that she cant live with herself if she doesn't tell me. She said she went to dinner with one of her ex's the night before (without me knowing) and then went to a bar. Many drinks later she drove him home and he wouldn't let her drive home because she was drunk. One thing led to another she had sex, and has called me crying the next day because she couldn't handle her conscience. She has cheated on past boyfriends but has been true to me through our two year run. Please help she means the world to me. I have read many posts somewhat like mine, but none truly answer the questions. Her answer to the infamous "why" question is that she wanted to test herself to know that she could truly marry me and be good to me and she failed. What am I supposed to say to that?

Thank you,

Ex B-baller

User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
It takes two

Once a cheater always. Just cause it happened this once and she admitted it. Does that mean next time she will. For the reason she did it was probably for the fact of yes testing herself. But you do know that she put herself in that situation by first of all hooking up with an ex. She knew what she was getting into. And continued to do so even after the fact of knowing who she was engaged to. Sorry I am far to along of being picky. And I know that if someone really cared for me like you care for her then why would she even have complicated the relationship by putting herself in that situation. Being drunk is no excuse, especially being sober when the meeting was adjurned. If she was testing herself she failed. And even if she did not tell you, people are different after such occassions happen. More secluded, always holding back, etc.
But you do really care for this person, and it is possible that you can make it work. Don't let yourself be doing all the work to hold this together though. It takes two, one person can not do all of the work. I would rather be single and happy, than with someone and misserable. This is all up to you though. Pursue this or leave earlier so you may lesson the pain.
Matthew H

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