we fight constantly

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Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months. When we first started dating we were GREAT! but then as every relationship goes after 3 months we started to fight. we started to fight over little things that didnt matter. i lose control of my anger and loudness of my voice. he doesnt understand what i try and tell him. i end up in tears. i will try and walk away from him so i can calm down and he pulls me to him and it actually kind of hurts and then he will just try and get me to talk to him. and it just doesnt work that way i get upset and then we'll talk and i'll become late for class. we both agree we dont want to fight anymore. but we always do. he will say you do this and that and right when he says that i just dont want to listen i just want to hang up the phone or walk away from him. we had a serious talk last week but we were okay till today. what should i do?

User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Time outs

What you need to do is develop a method for dealing with arguments with your boyfriend.

My girlfriend and I have a rule that at any time we both have the ability to call a time out. So if she loses her temper, I call a timeout and we both have to go sit by ourselves for 10 minutes and cool down. Afterward, we sit down together and calmly discuss the issue until a resolution can be reached.

Setting up a system like this is hard to do, and should be attempted when things are GOOD. The middle of an argument is not the time to start talking about this.

Another method that we've found works really well is writing eachother letters. This allows you to compose your thoughts carefully and really think about things before you 'say' them.

Good Luck.

- Mike

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