I love my friend, but she has a boyfriend
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am in love with a friend of mine. Her boyfriend just moved in with her. I do not think all is well, as she complains a lot about things he does/does not do. There are times when I feel a real connection with her. If her boyfriend were not here, I think there might be something.
I have written a letter telling her how I feel. I want to give it to her. I do not want to scare her off or ruin the friendship. She is the girl I have always dreamed about meeting, and I love her very much. What do I do?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Hope everything works out
I totaly agree with what "Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com"said.I too am going through something similar to what you are going through.I dig the hell outta this girl who is getting married in August.She too talks about all the bad times.When she does (even though I keep telling myself not too),Ill get my hopes up,thinking,"maybe things are finaly going downhill,and my time is finaly coming".Every time,they make up,and she is even MORE in love with him,and feels closer after each of these arguments.You have to keep tellin yourself"whatever is gonna happen,is gonna happen".Be there to support her,NEVER talk bad about her man(no matter how hard this may be)For instance,she tells ya something crazy that he has said or done to her.NEVER say "thats pretty messed up,or "Thats just wrong" ,unless,of course,he is beating her or dressing up in ladies underwear or something extreme:),simply say,Im sure there is some reasonable explanation behind him doing this,he could be having a bad day,or,something of this sort.Also, never encourage her that her choices are wrong or not meant to be.(in my instance,her getting hitched)By you not dogging the guy,or trying to take advantage of bad times between them,it gains her respect and trust in you,and it will make you both closer in the long run.Not only are you easing her mind about it all,if anything is to happen between you both later on,she will remember your positive attitude during these times. Here is something you can do.I said this,and got the biggest smile out of her EVER.Simply say," I hope that everything works out for you and your man,and that he makes ya as happy as you deserve to be,I really do.Nothing makes me more happier than making you happy,whether it be as a friend,er whatever.Ive never said this before,but just know that I will proudly be your backup,I aint expecting nothing at all.Im going about my life just as before,but just know this,and I wish yall the best of luck".Say this casualy,spurt of the moment,not over dinner er somethin crazy,just at the right moment at no set time,like its no biggie.She will appreciate it,and it will put her at ease knowing that she has a friend for life,and a backup plan if things dont go the way she wants them to go.
~Dude from Memphis
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer