Dating a Widower

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Original Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
My sister is dating a widower. He has been widowed for over a year now. They were close friends before his wife died, and just recently started dating. She understands that he will always love his wife and will have things that will remind him of her. The problem is- the other day- he pulledout a compact in front of my sister and smelled it deeply, and then sighed. She asked him what it was and if she could see it- but all he would tell her is "Don't touch it". It ended up being a compact with his deceased wife's perfume. When do you know enough is enough- and how can I help her deal with the situation? She is at the point where she feels she will always be 2nd to him and he will never be able to love her as he did his wife. Please help her out!

User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
Guilty widower

I have been dating my widowed SO for almost two years. We are planning to be married within the next year. When we first starting dating his wife had been dead for 2 years. He was not ready to be seriously dating when he met me and we figured that out after some time. I was not willing to be second to a deceased woman for the rest of our lives together and I was not able to handle that position. I was honest with him. He appreciated my honestly. Then reality hit for him.

He told me that he loved me more than he ever loved her and that our relationship is so much better. She treated him like a second class citizen, his words, not mine and he realized that his inability to let go and move on was due to guilt. He is over all of that now and I am able to accept his marriage proposal.

Not all widowers pine for their late wives. Only some.

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