I Miss Holding Her
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi there, me (23 years old) and my girlfriend (20) broke up after nearly two years of dating. We had a very close, intense relationship, many ups and downs, mostly because she was very unstable and had many problems, ranging from depression to bad company and type one diabetes, which she never could accept the illness and always felt trapped as if her freedom of living was taken away from her.
She was a total mess when I met her back two years ago, however with time and effort from both of us, she was able to recover from depression and accept her body as it is. That was our happiest time. However, four months ago, when this little honeymoon period started fading away, we realised we are two very different people with very different goals in life because I wanted marriage, kids, quiet life and she was totally opposite of me. She did get along really well with my family (hers was a bigger mess than she was) but still she just wanted to live a no strings attached life with me. We started to collide more and more, we started blaming each other, feelings were hurt and love was lost, until we both sat down and talked like adults and ended the relationship in good terms, two months ago.
We've tried to remain close friends and stay in touch, see each other often, almost daily, but wasn't working because we would either argue about silly things, get fed up of each other or we would just give in and sleep together. So we decided to stay apart for a while, but it's getting really hard for me. Currently, I am fully aware of why things did not work out and I no longer love her the same romantic way I did in the past and do not want her back, but still I miss the relationship we had (the good parts), the being in love, cuddling, making love, hanging out, plus after this much time together she became my best friend and I shared so much with her, now whenever something's up I pick the cell to text her and then I remember I am not supposed to do it.
She's struggling too, I can tell but she does a better job at keeping her composure than I do. Plus, she started sleeping with other people already, one night stands, while I am not capable of it yet.
I have been keeping my mind off of it during the day, blocked her from the facebook chat, plus university, jogging and working out, a little diet to regain my slim shape (got too cosy with her and let myself go a little but already look much better). I have friends that support me everyday (my previous best friends before I got together with her) and during the day all goes fine. The main problem is at night, before falling asleep my mind always wanders on her and the feelings of loss invade me and I get angry at her and at myself.
Bottomline, what can I do to move on from this failed relationship? I know I do not want her back, but it's hard to get past everything we had, since she was the center of my life for the past two years.
Thank you for your time reading this and hope you can aid me further
It is quite natural and normal that you miss the closeness. Human bodies are wired to enjoy touching and being held. So of course you're going to miss that. Give yourself time to heal and accept that this is a part of it.
Soon enough you'll be ready to date again and it'll seem the blink of an eye before you're back able to hug and hold someone and regain that. It might seem like a long time right now but, like everything else in life, it'll pass. So hang in there. Keep yourself busy with the exercise and other hobbies.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com