Complicated? what do I do?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
So first of all this is the best chick I've ever dated or know for that fact! and through-out the months we dated she would even say sometimes she was so happy she could die, and that I was sweet and too nice to her. soon enough we go through the whole I love you stuff, and then in a few months we start to get hotter like most couples but never all the way.
but eventually we did. and it scared her enough to where she doesn't want to be in the same room as me even (wasn't rape and I went the way she wanted to so it wouldn't hurt just to dismiss the thoughts of it was rape or too hard on her etc.)
and soon during the time we were breaking up she said that she doesn't feel like she's in reality anymore and she doesn't know what to feel she doesn't know if she loves me or not now and that she was sorry she didn't know if she knew she loved me or not. she said she wants to still be friends later, im confused like how much time do I wait and when do I actually go off and see her in person again, or even talk to her for that matter!? and then what do I do to get her back, because really she's been nice all the time to me and I do love making her happy. im crazy aren't I?
By the way we are actually 18 and 19 i'm the older one surprisingly! XD and right now since the break up i'm in that stat where I can at least be upbeat and happy a little bit even though it's been a short amount of time. but I still do miss her alot.
She loved me once or still said I'm the nicest person she's ever met and she's been the greatest to me so I need to know how much space do I give her and when do we talk again and when do we see each other in person again and then how to actually get her back if possibly.
and even so if there is no way to get back with her again I just then need to know what to do to make sure she gets to a state where isn't "doesn't feel like im in reality anymore" because I at least need to take on responsibility for making her that way and at least putting her back together even if it's alittle bit
(Sorry this is long im trying not have a long story.) Advice
It sounds to me like you did everything right, so I must assume that your girl's sexuality issues are her own. I don't think you can do anything to push her back into your arms. Pushing her will likely have the opposite effect, making her more skittish.

I would keep being her friend, since she seems to care for you and want you in her life. Maybe you can nicely suggest she talk to a counselor or clergymember and talk out, privately in a safe setting, her fears and issues about intimacy. She may have very solid reasons for her fear that have NOTHING to do with you. What happened might have brought up very painful memories. She is probably confused, hurt and afraid; she will probably need help from a professional to work this through.

Be honest, gentle, open and supportive as a friend. Maybe she will be ready to try again with you, if she can work past whatever frightened her.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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