Have we gone too far?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Well, this is gonna be kinda long, so just a warning. Well, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about 9 months, and we have fought a lot. It started out as just trivial things, but it quickly escalated to where I would point out something he was doing that was really bugging me (such as hugging his female friend before hugging me on one of our anniversarys) and he would say that I was over-reacting and I should just calm down. Of course, later, he would tell me, "Oh, just let me know if I ever do something that bugs you." The biggest fight I can think of was a couple of months ago. I cracked a joke, but because he wasn't actually paying attention to me, he didn't realize it was a joke. He almost broke up with me and called me all sorts of names, one of which included 'stupid b*tch'. He told me not to worry about it, but even to this day, I'm still really hurting from it, but I can never tell him because he'll get mad at me and it will just start another fight. I know I am at partial fault here, because I know I have jealousy issues, but they're quite justified, seeing as he tells me which women he thinks are attractive while we're on dates, and he even told me that strong feelings for his ex flare up every once in a while. I just really need help with him, I can't talk to my friends or family because I feel like he'll get upset and it will start yet another fight...if you could please give me some advice on what to do, it would be much appreciated...
I think you both need to call a truce. Tell him, in a nice way, that you just can't handle his appreciation for ex-girlfriends, friends and strange women he walks by. Tell him you are not his 'buddy' but his 'girl,' and that you expect to be treated as special. Tell him that you won't hold his past against him and that you are willing to start fresh from this day on.
There may be a chance he will tell you, "this is how I am; deal with it." At that point, you need to make a decision. It's not asking too much for you to be treated like someone's one and only - this just might not be the right guy to fulfill your needs.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com