Is this commitment phobia?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My guy goes out of his way to introduce me to his friends and they all assume I'm his girlfriend, and he never corrects them. We go out to dinner and the movies with his parents and I've been over to his parents' for dinner too and they also think we're dating. He comes over to my place and my parents think we're dating. He does everything a boyfriend does for his girlfriend, and neither one of us see anyone else. We dated two years ago and he ended the relationship for reasons I still am not clear about. A few months after he broke up with me, he called me and we have carried on this type of relationship with only one time we weren't speaking and we both saw someone else for a short time. I know he genuinely cares deeply about me, and I love him. I've asked him how he feels about me, and he said he wasn't ready to tell me. I am mostly happy with the arrangement that we have, but I would like to have a more concrete idea of what we are. His communication skills are shoddy at best and it's difficult to get him to answer anything that makes him uncomfortable such as feelings. Is this a case of commitment phobia? Is this something that I need to let go of, or keep pushing through to see what happens? Advice
Your first instinct to find out how he feels is correct. It's odd he won't tell you. I think you deserve more than just this ambiguous state you two circle in. If you are fine with being just friends, tell him that. If you want more from him, tell him that as well. Find a time when you two are alone and doing something relaxing together - like going for a walk or getting ice cream - and simply ask him. Tell him it's not fair to you if he doesn't answer.

If he still does not open up, it may be that his silence is the answer alone. It might hurt you to find out, but you still need to know so you can decide what to do next.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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