I Slept with Another Guy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Roughly two years ago i met my current boyfriend, he was the man of my dreams, although he was away at university i never once doubted the way he felt for me, after around 6 months of being together i found that he had been speaking to his ex behind my back, this destroyed my confidence, but i forgave him as he asked and we moved on from his mistake.
A couple of months later i again found that he had still been speaking to her, and explained that it was the lying that did the damage. Again i forgave him and we tried to move on.
In February this year it once more came to my attention that my boyfriend had been speaking to this girl behind my back, this time he refused to have anything to do with me when i confronted him about it, told me he did not want to be with me and that it was all too much for him. I unfortunately begged and after two weeks of no joy had given up on the pain. I found someone who acted as a shoulder to cry on and ended up sleeping with them. It was horrid, i had never regretted something so much so instantly, but the attention from another man was what drew me in.
Shortly after i had slept with this other man my boyfriend came back to me, apologizing and after months of working hard we are now stronger than ever, i trust him fully, he talks about 'forever' and 'marriage' and i feel sick with guilt as i slept with someone else. Do i tell him and loose him? Or keep it to myself and realize that hurting him with the truth will not help.
Absolutely you need to tell him, because it is going to come out eventually. Things like that never stay hidden forever. It's far better to get that out earlier rather than later when it will cause far more damage. It's like a ticking time bomb.
In the context of him repeatedly lying on you and emotionally cheating, your one time physical cheating is far less damaging to a relationship. Cheating is cheating. He did it three times - for long duration - despite your constant tries to get him to stop. You only did it once, for one time period, and you were immediately sorry.
So in the scales of justice, he is still far, far outweighing you in terms of doing damage.
Plus, you weren't even with him at the time! He said he didn't want to be with you. So you weren't even cheating, in that sense.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com