Feeling a bit uncomfortable
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I'm a 19yr old girl who is madly inlove with my boyfriend of 20yrs old. He is my first serious boyfriend (though I have had one before him, but didn't feel the true bond) and he has had many girls before me.
I often do modelling for my friends who are studying photography: everything from crazy outifts to completely nothing. But when I'm intimate with him (please note that I'm still a virign), I feel a bit uncomfortable. I've lost my clothes many times with him, but after a while, I start feeling uneasy. Is this natural?
Even though I do modelling, I'm quite a shy individual. I don't have much experience with guys and intimacy. Everytime I want to touch him, I withdraw. Is there something wrong with me? I've been touched before, but just because guys could touch me and I was too scared to fight back. I was kinda taken advantage of in my past. Could this be affecting me?
I really want to break these two barriers. Any suggestions?
Thank you so much
Ray, when you say guys have taken advantage of you before, this concerns me. If you are still a virgin, then maybe you do know when to tell a guy to stop. Don't let your shyness keep you from protecting yourself. If you took a self defense course or signed up for a martial arts class, then you could work on both self-protection AND on getting over your shyness.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. If you are not ready for your boyfriend to touch you at any point, naked or not, then he needs to respect that. It sounds like he does and that he is letting you determine the course of your intimacy together - which is great! He sounds like a very nice young man.
Don't worry about not being ready for a sexual relationship - it's perfectly normal. Eventually you will feel ready, in your own good time.
Work on your own shyness and possibly self esteem issues with a course of the kind I suggested, join a fun club that lets you 'let down your hair' with others, or perhaps find an adult you trust to discuss things with.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com