Hello! I am a 19 y.o. university student. A week ago today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months. It was over many things, but all little things which I took to far out of perspective. Not to mention, it was my...erm...time of the month, so I wasn't te most pleasant person. I've also been diagnosed with PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), so bear with me. As for college, the distance was a little hard on us. I go to school about an hour away.

I was in such extreme remorse of leaving him. I kept calling him and asking for him back and to forgive me. He said I personally did nothing wrong. He said he was tired of hurting me and that's why he won't take me back. But I am hurt more without him. So, I was so depressed I didn't eat for 3 days. I am taking care of myself again now but everything reminds me of him. I can't get him off my mind and I have moments every day that I break down. I love him and have never felt this way about anyone before. He gave me a promise ring and he was also the first person I was intimte with. I was so happy and comfortable around him and I just felt like a blossoming flower. He was always there for me.

So now...he wants to be my best friend. This is something we lacked in our relationship. We kinda-sorta had a best friend sort of bond, but it wasn't strong enough, I think. He says we both need time to grow and fix ourselves and once we do that there is possibility for a relationship again.

So, here's my dilemma. I don't know how to be his best friend. I've always been 'the girlfriend' or 'the friend' before we were together. I don't want to move on to someone else because I am a Long-Term Relationship person. I feel so obsessed with him right now...I always want to call him, or see him, etc. I am still extremely emotionally attached to him and I really want him back, more than anything. I just don't know what to do to get there. I don't want to be too clingy because I am afraid of damaging what we have left between us. I truly believe we will be together again, but it will be in due time and I'm not the most patient person in the world. What can I do to get my mind off him until then?


Sorry for the long post. I'd appreciate any advice

Always stay busy. Almost so you don't have time to think about him. Maybe pick up a few hours at work. Or go out with friends.

Hello Krista

I am wondering, since you were together for quite a while, and it was you who broke up, why he won't just forgive and forget and take you back.

Is he so hurt that he cannot forgive?
Does he want you to know how it feels to be rejected ~ as he did?

Could it be that he was relieved when you said that it was over??

Any of these could be a possibility.

If you suffer mood swings, etc, then this could be quite hard for him to deal with.

You wrote that 'He said he was tired of hurting me and that's why he won't take me back.' This implies that he often does things which upset you. Is this true? Is it because he behaves badly or because of your PMDD? If it is the latter, and this keeps happening, then this could be quite stressful for him.

Are you having any treatment?

You are both very young and such relationships rarely last, because the people change and grow. In your case, your boyfriend seems to think that changing and growing a bit might do you both good. Perhaps he is right. Who knows? Only time will tell.

Being friends is a good thing in a relationship, though. I certainly believe that.

How to be best friends?
Ask him how he wants to take this 'new friendship' and see how you feel about it

Good luck