me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years, most of the time which was great. She always loved me and was always a really happy and pleasent person to be around, more or less i would act as if i didnt really care, i had a tough time expressing emotions. and things were goin good until xmas time and i flew home to visit my family that i never see and my only time for holidays(she could not come because of work) when i was gone we had a small argument on the telephone and i told her we should talk about our relationship when i get home.
when i got home we never had the talk, then one night we went to the pub and indulged in one two many cocktails( i never drink) and i saw a friend of mines girlfriend so i jumped up and went and said hello. My girlfriend felt like she was being ditched and got mad at me out of jelousy, and i immediatly defended my self by saying many mean things and made her walk home alone all of which i immideatlly regreted. We were supposed to move in together for feb 1 to make a long story short she dumped me 4 days beforehand. I pleaded her to stay and she said she needs to see change in me before she would come back, and we cant be together but maby in the future. So 2 and a half weeks went by of not talking. all of the time i worked on improving my own self and moving into our house alone, i also began seeing a therapist who has helped me understand a great deal. so i decided i want to see her, i went into her work and brought her a cupcake and some hotchocolate and she seemed happy to see me, we sat outside and talked which was good, then i asked her for dinner, she said she would do lunch. I got home then about 2 hours later after she was off work she sent me a text saying "im glad ur doin well it was nice of you to stop by, i was wondering if your sure lunch is a good idea? i think we will be able to be friends, but im not sure if your ready for that yet, what do you think?" so i called her up and said its only lunch, she agreed to go which will be in a couple of days. I cant tell if there is a chance to get back together and its killing me inside. any advice or something i can say to her i love her very much? thx markus

Hello, Markus!

Welcome to the forum! : )

Do you know the story about the turtle and the rabbit?

"Slow and steady wins the race."

It seems to me like you're doing all the right things. It is just taking a lot longer than you expected. Do lunch and maybe that will turn into a dinner, then dinner and a movie, and so on and so forth...I know that it's probably killing you inside, but it's times like these where you have to ask yourself how far you're willing to go for this girl. You have to keep in mind that it may not work out, but if it doesn't then think about how wonderful you'll be for the next girl you meet. Don't get me wrong. I sincerely hope it does work out between you and the girl you love, but it's just something to think about.

It is important to love yourself. I think you're doing good at getting on track.

It just takes paitence. Take things slow and perhaps you'll win the race.

Best of luck!

You say that she always loved you, even when you didn't show your feelings, and acted as if you 'didnt really care', so I wonder why she feels that she can only be friends now?

Was it because the arguments were so bad that she can't get over them? ~ I imagine that being left to find her own way home must have given her reason and opportunity to question your personality.

Or was this an opportunity that she was waiting for ~ even if only subconsciously, I wonder?

This does happen.
A couple may appear to be in love, perfect for each other, ready to settle down, etc, when, apparently quite suddenly, it can all fall apart. This may be because one of the parties realises, deep down, that this may have been a wonderful relationship, but it is not 'the one'.

In such a case, if the opportunity arises for a break, then the relationship may come to an end.

I imagine that she is feeling confused and upset, and wondering what is the right thing to do.

So, as Jessica says, if you are patient, and respectful of this girl's wishes, then this might work out, but you must be prepared for it to dwindle into 'just friends'.


Good luck