I recently found out that my fiance cheated on me very early in our relationship (around 2 weeks in) and now i'm not sure what to do. I'm so confused. I'll try to set up the situation as best as i can so you guys have all the facts.

So basically i met this girl who is the most wonderfull girl i had met up till now. We started hanging out and started enjoying each others company. The problem was she was in this sort of relationship with this other guy but he just dissapeared a couple of weeks previous. She was annoyed but he had done that before and she was expecting him to come back acting like nothing had every happened. So by the end of the third week we'd had gotten closer and she was fed up at this guy taking off so she decided the hell with him and started dating me. Things were good with us.

Sure enough he came back 2 weeks later expecting that they were still going out. She told him they were done and now she was with me. She's the type that is friends with all her exs so she remained friends with him and that was fine. She never cheated on anyone before (we have mutual friends throught out the years) and has been cheated on before so i completely trusted her in this regard even if i don't trust the exs.

So our relationship got really good and we have gotten along very good to the point now that we are engaged. So this brings us to the present. We've been looking at houses to buy and we are are really exicted to get married. In the last few days she had been asking weird question regarding cheating like "would you leave someone for cheating even if it was at the beginning of relationship because they weren't sure how it was going to turn out". I immdiately thought this was weird as we had discussed before that cheating was unacceptable to either of us and would be a relationship ender for both of us.

So after a few more questions like this she finally broke down and told me that she had cheated on me in our first 2 weeks of seeing each other. It was when her ex came back. She said it just happened but it was short and only happened that once. She said she was sorry and knows it was wrong but she was not guilty about as it made her realized she no longer had feelings for him and now she realized how much she cared for me. She says she needed to say goodbye to him before she could commit to me. Otherwise she would have always had him in the back of her mind. She also doesn't think it was as big as issue cuz it was early in our relationship and we had not have sex yet at that time. Since we have been having sex she hasn't cheated on me and never will again.

I have no doubt that she loves me now and hasn't cheated on me since then and i still love her so much. We had one day where i was considering leaving her. She pleaded me not to. I was like i don't think i can trust you with any of your exs anymore and i can't ask you to give them up. She then went as far as deleting all her male froends off of facebook and her phone. I didn't ask her to do this but she did it anyway so i didn't leave her.

It's been a few days and we get along just as we did before but there is this lingering doubt that remains in me. I still love her and i'm not sure i could actually leave her if i wanted to but somehow i feel she has gotten off way to easy in this matter. She thinks it's not as big as deal because she didn't know me as she does now and that she her feelings really grew after that happened and how sure she is that i'm the one now. It happened so long ago but i still feel so..pathetic i guess? Mainly that i took her back so easily. I feel that somehow that our relationship is tainted because of this. it's almost as i got the bait and switch happen to me. I thought our relationship was on way and that was the reason i asked her to marry me later on. I'm not too sure i would have had i known that at the time.

I'm so torn because she is the best relationship i've ever been in and she is so the girl i want to marry but i'm so mad at her ruining our "near to perfect" relationship. I can't seem to get past this. them hooking up keeps replaying over and over and i'm furious at her for this. But i'm not sure if i should ruin our current happiness because of pride and stubborness.

Sorry for the really long post but i don't think this is a typical cheating situation. I'll appreciate any advice or feedback you guys can give me. Thanks.

ok, so you know you love her and don't want to leave her, yes your mad at her. When she did what she did were the two of you saying i love you yet? Were you two taking bigger steps towards a deeper relationship? If the two of you were in love at the time it happened then I can see how you fee like shes getting off easy. You said that she deleted all her male friends without you telling her too that's good. And at any rate was she really talking with the other male friends any way? or was it an occasional email, or an update letter on how the two of you are doing.
But if you know you love her and don't want to leave her, you know she wont do it again, then don't let this rein your relationship. and try not to drag you relationship worrying constantly about it or their would be NO point in staying in a relationship that causes that much stress.

Welcome SAO

Yes, I think that FastFood is right ~ the main thing is that you love each other.

Also, at the time, you knew that she was officially dating someone else, so when he came back he would have expected her to still be his girlfriend. In a way, she was. By going out with you, before splitting from him, she was two-timimg, as they call it.

It is understandable that she was confused and unsure and even that she had sex with him ~ not that I agree with this.

The best thing for you both would be to accept that, at the time, your relationship was in a state of uncertainty, because the other man was still on the scene.

Now, though, the relationship is settled & secure and you love each other.

However, it is very understandable that you feel confused, upset, angry, etc. She cheated on you and she lied about it. You are not going to be able to simply accept something as serious as this, without having some concerns.

Don't brush this under the carpet ~ it will fester. Sort it out now. Discuss it together; think about how you can come to terms with it. Don't just marry her because you loved her, trusted her and asked her before you knew the truth. Marry her because you love and trust her now. Maybe you will need to become 'unengaged', and then ask her again, when you feel ready.

Good luck!