I met my ex-girlfriend almost a year ago at work. At first we dated a couple of months but she wouldnt open up to me at all. Im a very affection, caring and loving man who loves to express his feelings and expect the same in return. She had never been in a serious relationship before me. We both had been through a lot in our pasts since we were both in recovery from different addictions. Let me start off by saying that I am 10 yrs older than her. Our birthdays are 3 days apart and we are both scorpios. She just turned 21. At first I wasnt sure if I wanted a serious relationship so I messed around on her but broke it off because I felt bad and didnt want to hurt her. We got to know one another a bit more and became really good friends. Little did I know that the whole time we were apart she was falling in love with me while I was dating other women. Well I had a relapse and she was there for me. She stood by my side till I got back on my feet again. We got back together and got an apartment together. Now the only downside to this was that we worked together and lived together as well. It was too much for the both of us. Her family and friends hated me because she spent most of her time with me and not them. I messed up again and hurt her pretty bad. You see when I drink I become a totally different person. A person that I hate more than anything in this world. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her. I went away for a few weeks to get the help I needed to change my ways and be a better person only to come home and find the locks changed and bags packed. Her family and friends gave her an ultimatum, either them or me. She is a very influencial woman. She said that I needed some time to be alone and work on myself and that she felt she was the reason for my relapses. It is true that we dont realize what we have until we lose it but thats the problem. I dont want to lose her. I eat, think, sleep, cry and dream about her. She tells me she still loves and always will. That she will always be here for me. The thing is Ive seen her twice since the split up and they have been the best times we ever had before but then after I leave I dont hear from her for a few days sometimes a week. I call, email, IM and text her but I get no response and when I do she promises me she will call me but never does. It hurts so bad. I wish she would just be honest with me about the way she feels. This is where my jealousy, insecurity and fear kicks in. I know the right thing to do is just let go but I cant. It hurts too much to think about it. I truly love her with all my heart but dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP ME? Sorry for the long story. Signed Jereme

Hi Jereme

It sounds as if you may both have had counselling in the past. Is that correct?
I just wonder if it is possible for you to perhaps have joint relationship counselling, to see if anything can be salvaged of this relationship, or to see where things may go in the future?

I agree with PDM about the relationship counseling.

I am also wondering if you might need to have counseling for the drinking and perhaps stop drinking. You stated that you become a completely different person when you drink and you hate the person you become. You should try to fix the drinking problem. Do you find that drinking is your way to relieve stress? Do you find that your need for a drink overpowers how much you hate yourself when drunk?

That's true ~ the drinking needs to be addressed regarding the relationship, and also as a separate issue, in itself, I think.

I have had a similar experience as you. Many years ago I owned a nightclub and was a serious alcoholic on weekends blacking out nearly every time. I lost a great girl because of it.

If you really want to be with her you must have unlimited patience. You are like me, you must know everything right away. Pickup a time consuming hobby and it will make this process go much smoother.