Hello friends, I am new in here and My English is not good too, so I really do hope you understand what i am talking about.

Ok here is my problem. I have been in love and with my girlfriend for past 2 years and we have been live together for more than a year now.
I really do love her and but the problem is i always hide my feels from her, i do tell her that i love her all the time but most time i never show my feels to her. and I am a bad listening. and i am a bad talking guy ( means i am not a sweet talking guy). but i am a very truthful person.
few days back she met a guy and she got crash on him becoz that guy is a sweet talking and he listen to her. so she want break up with me and take the chance with him.
and at the same time i realize all the mistakes i have done. I asked her to give me a chance so i can proof to her that i love her and i can do anything to win her back.
i promised her i will change and i am already started. after i promised her, i will do my best to change becoz i love her. so now we are taken a break. and during these few days break she start dont know what to do. she is still going out with him but she still call me to tell me how much she love me.
I told him i will do everything to get her back. and i am doing it now.. but now i start asking myself if i should keep doing this to win her back or just give up and let her be with him. becoz i dont know if this will work out or not...
thats why I need your help please give me some advice....
thank you
One more thing we do love each other very much, I think the only reason she got crash on that guy is becoz he give her what she always wanted from me but i never give it to her or show her. and she still love me becoz when i buy follower to her and talk to her nicely she start to cry and say, this is what i always wanted.
I really love her and i dont want leave her, so please help me with your advice, so i know what to do and how to win her back.

Hello there!
Welcome!

To sum up:

You have been in love and with your (ex) girlfriend for 2 years.
You have been living together for more than a year now.

You really love her and you tell her this regularly.
You don't 'sweet talk' her, though, & you are not 'romantic', but you are truthful.
You are not good at listening to her.

Now she has met another man.
He is romantic & sweet-talking and this has stolen her heart.

She has broken up with you & gone to him.

You want her back, so you have promised to be a better listener and a more romantic person.

She is now going out with him, but telling you that she loves you.
As far as you are concerned, you both love each other very much.

The other man knows that you are trying to win her back.

Should you pursue her or leave her alone??

Well, she says that she loves you.

And you love her.

Maybe this can be saved ~ but you will both have to want to save it and you will both have to try very hard to make it work.

Good luck!

thanks for help, I think you are right, I should leave her alone for somtime and see what she really want. just pretty hard to let her gone away after more than 2 years.

Yes, it would be hard.

When people live together, I see it as a real commitment ~ similar to marriage.

To leave someone she loves because she has a crush on a 'sweet-talking guy' does seem to be a big step.

Is there more to this?
Have there been problems for a while?

Perhaps, if she is willing, you could try relationship counselling.

Hello my friend thank you for try help me out.
we never had any problem before, sometimes we have some fight but we always kiss and make up in less than 40 mints. so we never had any problem in the past.
so i really dodnt know what is going on in the first place.i try to stop not call her since yesterday but than she keep calling me, becoz i just stop call her. and she seems to be very happy when she is talking to me. she still ask me to do this and to do that for her.
so do you think i should call not calling her? and give her some space to think?...
I really do love her but at the same if whatever i try wont change a thing than i think is better not try.

she still keep SMS say she love me very and thing like that. and when ever she calls she get angry if i dont say I love you to her.Last night she called me again before I went to bed, in the end i just say ok good and talk to you tomorrow. than she got little sad and asked me where my is I love you baby and sweet dreams and kisses? than i told her I love you baby good night and sweet dream and kisses. after that she became happy again.
so i really dont know what she really want..

I don't know what she wants, either.
This is an unusual scenario,

She is no longer living with you, so where is she living?

It strikes me that she wants some fun with the other man, but wants you to carry on loving her and supporting her, even as she is being unfaithful to you.

And you are fitting in with this, by letting her have her taste of freedom, sending her your love, hoping for 'sweet dreams' and doing as she asks.

You are being a lot more patient and tolerant than many men would be. This may or may not be the best way to deal with this.

It is not unusual for women in committed relationships to find other men attractive. Not all go off and have relationships with them. Those who do have relationships with the other men tend to have secret affairs. Your lady is being frank and honest with you.

You don't know what she really wants. Perhaps she doesn't either. I think it's important for you to ask yourself what you really want.

I think that if she wants your love, then really she should be with you ~ not with someone else. But it's for you to decide.

Good luck!

Hello my friend thank you so much again for your warm and kind help with my messed up problems.
she is living with her mum right now.
well i really dont know what i want now... last night when she was angry with me she say that she is in love with him and she want be with him. and i told her thats ok, if that will keep you happy.
today we speed more than 3 hrs on the phone (every time she call me). and she send me some new photos she took with her friends. anyhow I really dont know what i should do nor what i want do. I am kind of lost right now. i try to move on ask she is move on (maybe). but than i start to think what happens if she want come back and i already start to move on?
I have been ask myself many times what i want, sometimes I think i should give her a chance ( as no one is perfect in this world, every one do make mistakes. but at the same time another part of me tell me, look she is gone and move on. that's why i am slowly try to give her the space she want and leave her alone with what she want.
as you say i have patient well maybe hehe becoz i am a Buddhist and i do Meditation, maybe that helped me alots with inner peace.
well when it comes to love inner peace and Meditation wont work that much...
so after you heard what is going on with me and so called my girlfriend do you think i should keep move on or give her another chance? and do you think is worth to keep try to get win her back? oh one more thing she still dont like me to talk to my other ex girlfriend (she always get jealous her shen ever i talk to her and she still does). she dont get jealous with other girls but only with my ex.


Here I have something more to say, the day before yesterday, she went to met him and than around 2am i was asleep,i got sms from her, but when i read the sms, i know it wasnt her who wrote the sms. it was the guy. he is use bad words about her, he used too much F words and B word about her. but anyway the mean thing is that he is telling me he slept with her and bla bla bla.... anyway it was that nice to read.
but i didnt say it to her becoz i dont want she know what he wrote if she see it she may get more hurt. but at the same time i did not deleted the sms. so last night asked if she allow him to use her phone or not and she told me she didnt allow him to use her phone, than i told her to keep the phone away from him. than she want know why, ofcoz i didnt tell her thats why she start fight with me. anyway today one of my friend she got very angry with me becoz i didnt tell my girlfriend about the sms he sent to me from her phone, she told me i have to tell her.
so about 20 mints back i was on the phone with her and she keep pushing me and ask me why i ask her to keep her phone away from him, than i just told her about the sms i got from her phone. now i dont know what she doing, i am sure she is going to ask the guy about it but ofcoz the guy is going to denied it. he will never say he did it. that i am sure....
anyway what i like to know is am I did the right thing or the wrong thing by telling her about the sms which sent to me by that guy? in the sms he show no respect about her at all.if you read the sms i am sure you will get angry too.

you said my lady is being frank and honest with me. well its not all true, she was lie to me for about a week before i found out.but until now she keep say that she didnt cheat on me, she just lied to me. but she still keep lie and every time i have to tell her to stop lie. after we start take a break. she keep lie say things like i never slept with him or kissed him, but i know she did,so she dont need to lie to me coz we are taken break. sometimes when she is going to sleep in that guys place she will make another lie to me by say she is going to stay with her friend..... until now she keep lie to me, I just dont know why she cant tell me the truth,becoz i dont care what she is doing right now coz we are taken break, if i get chance to meet another lady i may go sleep with her too but i wont lie to her.

Only you can decide what is the right thing for you.

If that man was being disrespectful about her, then I do think that you did the right thing to tell her.

Personally, I think that she should make her choice. I don't think that it is right to date another man ~ and sleep with him ~ but still expect you to love her and care about her. You say that you are on a break ~ but it isn't a complete break.

If I were you, I think that I would try to move on, because this sort of thing would not suit me at all ~ but it's not me ~ it's you.

Are you willing to wait for her, no matter what ~ knowing that she is sleeping with him and he is sending you unpleasant messages?

If so, then I admire your patience & tolerance.

She is, in effect, dating him, but demanding affection from you.

Is this what you want?

Obviously it isn't, otherwise you would not be posting your concerns.

I think that, since you care for her, and have not decided to move on, you need to have an objective discussion with her about where your relationship is going, whether there is any future in it, and whether you can really make it work ~ or if you both want to make it work.

Sometimes age is relevant ~ how old are you both?

Good luck!

she didnt believe that the guy sent me such sms from her phone she think i am lie. now that guy start to sms me from his phone and tell me all dirty things about her and show no respect about her. when i told her about the sms he sent from his phone again she still dont believe it, she think i am still keep lie to her.
I think i am doing the wrong thing about tell her the things he said to me. she think i just try to break them up or something like that. really first i dont want tell her that becoz i know she wont believe me any way but my friends push me to tell her, and now she think i am lie about everything.
please tell me i was wrong to tell her about these stuff.
I really dont know if i was wrong to tell her about that or not. i dont want she feel that i was lie to her and i dont want she feel that i try to break them up.
I love her but i will never do such thing to hurting her. i will very happy if she stop go out with him. but thats up to her.
now i am not sure any more about what i should do, wait for her or just give up and move on. but i am sure that if she keep think that i was lie to her about the sms stuff than i am sure i will give up and move on.
well now i kind of understand why that guy wrote, i can tell her that he wrote that kind of sms to me, but its just waste of my time, he said she will never believe what i said... well its was true coz she dont believe me......
i am tried of think and try to please her......
i am 29 and she is almost 22

Hi

I think that you were right to tell her about that man's messages.

If she won't believe you, well, that is her choice, but at least you tried.

Since you love her, it is not surprising that you are concerned about what this man is saying.

She should listen, because this is not good at all.

If she ignores or disbelieves you, then perhaps she would believe her friends.

She is sleeping with another man and calling you a liar.
In my opinion, it is time for you to move on.
I cannot tell you what to do, though.

You cannot really please her, because she has made the decision to leave you and to go to him; to disbelieve you and to believe him. She has made the choice ~ and it does not sound like a good one.

If she is with another man, she has no right to demand your affection.

At 21, she is still very young. She may not be ready, yet, for a serious commitment ~ especially as she moved in with you when she was even younger still.

I think that you are right to consider moving on. You should be with someone who will be a good partner to you ~ not someone who demands your attention while sleeping with another man ~ a man who sends disgusting texts about her.

She does need to learn the truth about him though. She is very young, & probably vulnerable, and he sounds lacking in respect ~ but I would let her friends tell her ~ the ones who already know and told you to contact her ~ you have already tried and she called you a liar.

I'm sorry to hear about all this & I hope that things work out well.

And please don't call yourself a loser ~ do try to be positive!

Hello, I am sorry you are having so many problems with your girlfriend. It really sounds like your girlfriend and you had a pretty good relationship before it went off track. I say this because you were together for two years. Sometimes a woman can be a little discontent or unhappy with a man because he doesn't talk sweetly or show his love. Sometimes a woman doesn't realize how important these thing are until another man shows her that kind of attention. You have admitted that you see you could have been better. She was liking what you were saying and doing. Maybe you don't know what to do but there are a couple of things that you do know.

First of all you know you love her.

Second, you know she loves you because she keeps calling and she was with you for two years.

Third, you know this other man is dishonest, disrespectful and is a snake. He is lieing to her and he is manipulating her. He probably only talked to her sweetly to get what he wants.

You say she lied to you at first and you think she is still lieing, but you don't know that he is telling the truth either. He may be lieing to you so that he can make her leave you for good.

I think it is possible that she was attracted to him and liked the attention but she has pretty much told you that she wants that same attention from you. You ask if you should try. You say you don't know if it is worth it if it is going to turn out that you loose her anyway. Well, if you don't try, you probably will loose her to that snake.

You say it doesn't matter if she slept with him and that is very understanding of you. It is very possible that she is telling you the truth. That tells you that there is hope because she doesn't want you to know even if it is true. Yes she could be trying to have both of you. I think it is more likely that she still loves you and she wishes you would try to win her back. Your the only one that can say if she is worth it. If you still want her and love her, I would be very worried that this man is going to be around her. I think if you show her that you care and tell her that you won't settle for sharing her you would be telling her what she wants to hear. Maybe she wants you to show her you care enough to make the effort. As for the messages he is sending you. Why don't you show her your cell phone. If she doesn't believe it when she sees the message, then nothing will convince her. At least you wouldn't just be giving up. Do you really want this guy to date the girl you love? If you don't protect her from him who will?

Quite frankly I think if she needs to take a break, then you need to make her take a break from you until she has decided she really does love you and want to be with you. I'm sure she is confused as well right now; however, how can she truly make any sort of decision while remaining in constant contact with you, and dragging you through her other relationship. It's up to you to protect yourself, your sanity, and ask her to respect you and give you the space you both need to sort this out.

You say you love her and miss her, but how do you feel about her cheating on you? Essentially, this is what she's doing while she's figuring her life out- as long as she keep you on a leash. If you were truly taking a break, you wouldn't be in contact with each other as often as you are.

Also, I think it is disrespectful of her to keep asking you to do favors for her while she is giving her time to somebody else. If she needs a man to do her favors, she should have her new friend do them for her.

Stand up for your best interests. Good luck.

I think that both Joandboys & SunnyDayz make some very good points.

Hello my friend, Thank you very much for you time, here I have some new update.
Well Last week she called me and asked me if i could visit her in her mum's place, she was sick for last two weeks, anyhow I went to visit her and took care of her for about 5 days. I had very good time with her.she was very happy becoz i took good care of her ( which i always do when she is ill).
Now I really dont know what to do anymore... when i am with her she keep telling me how much she loves me and she also keep telling me that she very happy that i showed up in her mum's place. i am kind of sure that she did had a very good time when i was with her. so do i.

Oh one more thing I just back home today thats why i didnt get time to write what is going on with me these few days. from the way she is acting i can feel and see that she still love me very much but the only problem is that i think she still dont know what she want. she asked me if i am ok with she is dating with other guy or not, I told her dont worry becoz we are taken a break so she can do pretty much whatever she want. (but she get pretty sad or jealous when my other female friends call me or SMS me. before I went to her place i forgot to Deleted some SMS i got from some of my ex girlfriends, she check my phone as always and when she saw these SMS she was very sad and Jealous).
Anyway, what i like to say is that, she still acting or sounds like she love me as used to be. but at the same time she still want go out with other guy. so after i went to her place i really dont know what i should do now. before i went to her mum's place i am almost sure that i gonna move on. but after visit her I feel i am lost again. but at the same time some times she really dont care about how i feel, i dont know if she know that she hurt my feels sometimes or not. yesterday before I left her mum's place, she told me she want go to visit the other guy. so she went to his place right way......
I really got lost now, I try to dating with other girls for now time too.

by the way I showed her the SMS which the guy sent to me from his phone,but I dont know if she believe it or not, I mean she she read the SMS she didnt say anything and after all she still went to visit him. so I did what i can, and if she get back with that guy and he treat her like [censored] than is not my problem right?coz i did warn her about it.

All I can say is that I think that you are more tolerant, patient, caring & understanding than any other male who I have ever heard of.

I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Do you really think that it is acceptable for her to say she loves you and for you to take care of her while she is dating and sleeping with another man?

What would she do if it were the other way round?

You say that she is already jealous.
Maybe she want to make you jealous, too.

Perhaps she thinks that you cannot really love her, if you don't mind her sleeping with another man.

Maybe she would prefer it if you were less tolerant.

She might want you to say that you love her, but that you cannot consider being there for her if she is sleeping with someone else, and that, if she loves you, she will come back to you ~ otherwise you will have to move on.

thank you again my friend for your time.
I have been thinking about what I want for last few days, I think i know what i want now. but still not sure. so let see what gonna happen tomorrow.
I have been try to get her back and i did forgive her for cheat on me. but at the same time i think its kind of hard for me to keep getting hurt by her.
and all of you are right if she loves me than she shouldn't hurting me all the times.
maybe she is just too young to understand the meaning of love or relationship. maybe for her love is just to have fun, or maybe she dont know that she is keep hurting me by tell me how much she loves me and at the same times sleep with another man. i do forgive her for all that, becoz i was young once and i also did some stupid thing like she is doing right now.
or maybe she is just not the right person for me,its hard to give up but i think i should try my best to move on.
i have been stop calling her for sometimes now, but she keep calling me, just now she call (she was on the way to the other mans place, she told me she just wanna talk to me becoz she cant call me when she is with him). anyway I think i had enough.I still love her very much but at the same time i feel that if you love someone so much you should let her or him be happy with whatever reason. I love her so I should let her gone.
one of her friend talk to me today, he asked me what is going on with me and her i told him I dont know what is going on. than he told me what she said to him. he said to me, she told him that me and her still boy and girlfriend. and we are just taken a break but she also told him that she want get back with me.she also said to him that she dont know if she love me like used to be or she love me like friend... so i think i got her answer from her friend.
anyway, I think I did what ever i can to get her back, I allow her to sleep with another man, I forgive her for cheat on me.I took good care of when when she was ill, and she real want an ipod and i bought it for her (it cost me about 350 dollars). so after all what i have done, i think and feel that i wont regret for anything. if she get regret thats her problem. maybe I will feel bad about not take good care about my relationship with her before things went wrong.

do you think i did enough? she asked me today what i gonna do tomorrow and i told her i am going for dinner with another girl (the girl i met few months back she likes me and she have been try to hug out with me for few months now, yesterday i met her and she ask me to visit her place so she can make dinner for me). than she start to say maybe we should invite her for dinner in our place too. she was jealous about that, thats why she told me we should invite her to our home when she come back next week or so.
oh one more thing i forgot to say, I have decided move to USA or Japan.(which i always wanted to do that but the only hold me back was her), so last time when i was in her mums place i told her that i want move to the USA or Japan and i also told her that i gonna sell all my stuff. but she wasnt happy about it, she ask me to wait until she know what she want. yesterday i told her again that i will start to sell my stuff, she start get sad and asked me can you please wait for sometimes, she said to me 'if i decided to stay with you than we have to buy everything again, so please wait'.
the reason I want to move is becoz now i have nothing to hold me back, and than i also want have new start with my life. but right now she still try to hold me back.
she said to me that she was very happy that i went to visit her and took care of her. and also said that she is very happy that i start to show my emotions. she say that last two years i never show any emotions. ( but she dont understand why i dont show my emotions to other people, I had a hard life before and i dont want people to know that, everything think i am a happy person but no one knows that my heart is crying and bleeding for last 20 years or so. my parents got killed when i was 2 years old. than the govt put me in Jail when i was 14 years old and i spent 3 years horrified time in prison, thats why i always try to hid my feels and emotions). anyway what she said is that I should show my emotions to her.and if I am sad i can cry in front, but the problem is i haven't cry since when i was 10 years old. no matter what ever happens i never cry becoz i know cry wont change a thing. but she thing i should. becoz she said that if i love her i shouldnt be shamed......
anyway i am sorry to tell you all my problems. i think i just need someone to talk.
well do you think i am doing the right thing now? i mean going to another girls place for dinner? and try to give up and move on? maybe she got too much love from me and she think no matter whatever she do i will keep love her and have her back. i dont know. maybe i shouldnt keep try since day one.
PS I forgot to say is that I think that guy give my phone number to one of the Embassy (that govt always threaten me thats why i have been changing my phone number all the times).i have changed my phone number 2 months back. theres no way that they will get my number this fast. but the problem is they got my number now and start treating me again. i havent get any threat from that govt for sometimes now but since the few days that guy write stupid sms to me and now i get threat from that govt again.

You have had a very rough time and I am really sorry to hear of the pain you have suffered.

I think that you have been amazingly patient with this girl.

I can only give my personal response.

If my son were in your situation, I think that I would advise him to move on, because a girl who phones a boy she supposedly loves, on the way to sleep with another man, is not girlfriend material, in my opinion. Maybe she does love you, in her own way, but she does not seem to be treating you with true care or respect.

She wants you to trust her, by showing your feelings, but how can you completely trust a girl who is behaving like this? If she was ready for a caring relationship with you, then she would understand about your past and how it has affected your emotions. She may just be too young and immature to understand that her bahaviour is not really acceptable.

But you are willing to accept her behaviour and forgive. In that case, I don't see how she will respect you long-term if you are willing to just stand back, apparently unconcerned, while she sleeps with another man.

Why not tell her that you love her and are willing to accept what she has done, but, if you are going to get back together, this scenario cannot go on any longer, and she must make her choice. Either she returns to you now, and you try to make a go of it, or she does not return now, and you move on ~ possibly to Japan or the USA.

Those are just my thoughts. Only you can decide what is right for you and what you must do.

You and she obviously care about each other, but is it enough for a long-term relationship?
Or should you just remain friends?

What do you think?

Good luck and take care!

thank for your understanding my friend, yes you are right I feel the same that she show me nor respect for what so ever. I think its time to let her go on her own way and i go my own way. I think i will not telling her anything about what i am going to do from now on. I mean I should keep my own dream alive, now i have nothing to keep me back here so i think I should start get my life together and move on. I think it gonna take few months for me to get everything ready and move out from this country.I do care about her and love her but I dont want she keep hurting me. she will come back home in two weeks or maybe next week, than i think i should just ask her to take all her stuff with her. today i called some companies and asked them to stop some of my services ( like TV,telephone....) it gonna take about 3 months all the services i have, than i can start move....
thank you again my friend foreverything and your understand, I will keep update and let you know what is going on.
regarding

Whatever you do, I hope that it works out well.

It is important to think very carefully before making big decisions. Be sure that you are happy with what you have decided.

Good luck with whatever you do.

You have had a very difficult time with this girl and I agree with many of the things that PDM has said. However, I would like to present another point of view on your relationship with this girl. I agree that it can't really go on like this. The reason I say this is that you are sounding like you are getting even more hurt as time goes by. You can only forgive so much and then anger and resentment builds up and turns love sour. I hear the things that you say your girlfriend says and I keep thinking that these are the words of a person who does care for you. I also think you are a gentle person who does not make his wants known very much. You expect this girl to understand that you love her and return that love because she can see you care. On the other hand, you have allowed her to do as she pleases. I do not want to hurt your feelings but I have to be honest. You are acting more like a friend than a lover. She asked you if you minded if she saw this man and you practically said it was ok. You tell us that she has hurt you but I don't think you have told her. She can't read your mind. She should know that her actions hurt you, but if you don't seem to mind and you tell her that you both are taking a break then you have pretty much told her that you are not passionate about her. If she is confused about whether she likes you as a friend it is because you are acting like a friend and not a lover. I am giving you the point of view from the other side. You tell us that you are hurt by her actions, but if you told her, she would know you really cared. I think she has given you plenty of hints and opportunities to fight for her and show her your passion and you have just taken the understanding, considerate patient role. I think she wants a boyfriend who shows her he loves her by getting angry and jealous over someone sleeping with his girl. I think she wants a boyfriend who shows her that he wants her to make up her mind who she wants. I think she wants you to tell her to stop hurting you and walking on you because you won't stand for it any more. If she went to this man after you were there it is because she wanted to compare the passion. You don't have to express your feelings every day. You don't seem to have a problem showing them in your actions. Instead of telling us how you feel, you should at least tell her once what is really on your mind. By the way, I don't think she want's you to be understanding. I think she wants you to tell her she can't do it anymore. Try it and see if I am right. What do you have to loose?

I really do agree with you, Jo, that was why I said:

'Maybe she want to make you jealous, too.
Perhaps she thinks that you cannot really love her, if you don't mind her sleeping with another man.
Maybe she would prefer it if you were less tolerant.
She might want you to say that you love her, but that you cannot consider being there for her if she is sleeping with someone else'

I didnt know that i am acting like friend, to be Honest I just try to make thing easy for her thats all. ofcoz she ask me if i minded or not but no matter what i say she will go to him anyway so i dont think its needed to say anything, but I did told her so many times that I am very Jealous when ever she go to met him. sometimes when she stay home in her mum's place than say say are you happy now that I am not with him? and i told her that i am very happy, and than she start to say see I am a good girlfriend! maybe the only thing i didnt tell her is that her action hurting me more and more and she keep hurting me.
today she got angry with me again, becoz i start smoke ( I have stop smoke about 5 years back but these few days lots of thing happened but relation and politically. thats why i start smoke again, ( she SMS me and asked me what i am doing and i told her that I am having a beer and smoke than she called me back with 5 seconds or so and start ask me stop smoke right away). than i just told her i will stop but not today coz i am feel lonely and my mind is not working so i need some smoke. than i can feel that she is angry with me. anyhow she is angry with me again.
i dont know how many times i have told her that i not happy it make me sad that my girlfriend is sleep with another man. but i dont think she cares about that. sorry if i am wrong. I do get angry with her when ever she say she is going to met that guy but i never ask her to stop, becoz i feel thats her life and she should do whatever makes her feel happy.
the reason i say to her that we can take a break is becoz i dont want lose her, ( she want break up with me) i thought take a break could save our relationship. about show my feels i know i am bad with it but i am doing my best to show her how much i love her and how much i care about her, or maybe i am just show my love to her in wrong way, I dont know. i am not used to show my emotions and feels to anyone. so its kind of hard for me to know the right way to show. most times I show her i love her and care about her by action. maybe you are right that I am acting like friend than lover. my problem is i really dont want give hard time to others and i really dont want hurt any one. I am a kind of person that want others to be happy. well she always complain that i always think about others and dont think about myself that much. so maybe thats the another problem.
maybe i am wrong just try to understanding, I mean dont like to give orders special to the one I love. if i tell her that she cant do it anymore and she have to make up her mind it sounds like i am given order to her. well maybe i should give a try as you say what i gonna lose right.
I feel that she still cares about me and she still loves me but the way she is acting it different. she get jealous, she got angry becoz i start smoke again.she call me few times a days just to tell me she loves me. but what she doing is total different. thats why I am lost and dont know what to do.
Last time before i went to visit her, she have told her sister that two of us broke up, but when i was there she keep say we stick with take a break. and until now she keep say i got a good boyfriend and i am a good girlfried..... nor i know what my boyfriend want..... she never stop say my boyfriend this my boyfriend that...
about the move on decisions i made I dont know if that gonna make me happy or not, I just feel that i should keep move on becoz i really dont want keep getting hurt.
about the dinner with other girl tomorrow, i called her and told her that i cant come becoz i felt that I cant do that. I mean she seems dont mind and she also told me i can go to the dinner with that lady but i don't think she real want that.

well after all she will come back home in two weeks so maybe I should talk to her and tell her that i cant stay with her if she keep sleep with another man. i dont think is good to tell her that kind of thing on the phone dont you think so? i think it will be better if i tell her face to face...I have stop calling her and write to her for sometimes now, she call me all the time and when ever she calls me i answer the phone. do you think I should keep it up?

Yes, I read your post and we think alike on this as most times we do.

I think this is making you miserable and if you try telling her face to face exactly what you feel and want you have nothing to loose. The way it is now, you don't have a good relationship. You are unhappy and you can't move on either. If you put your foot down, she may tell you she wants to break up. If you continue this way, you will loose respect and love for her anyway. If you do tell her and she still stays with this man, I would not talk to her on the phone or visit her. Let her know you mean business. I think she will have to choose who to be with. I think you will win because you are gentle and considerate and you love her. The way it is now, she can have you and him, so she doesn't have to decide or choose. That isn't the way life is supposed to be. If you don't want to share her then don't.

Yes, and I think that a lot of people would agree ~ but there may be other ways of looking at this ~ indeed 'The Looser' seems to do so. ('The Looser' ~ that is such a negative name, I feel uncomfortable using it. :))

*

I see this as a bit like an open marriage, which is only open on one side.

'The Looser' ~ as the two people who have replied to you think somewhat alike on this, I am wondering if anyone else is advising you in any way. I find it very difficult to empathise because, to me, these are such unusual circumstances.

These are more common scenarios:

Girl finds boy attractive, but doesn't act on the attraction because she has a partner.

Girl finds boy attractive, and does act on the attraction, because she and her partner have an open relationship.

Girl finds boy attractive, and does act on the attraction because she is not in a relationship ~ though she may have an ex-boyfriend.

Girl finds boy attractive, so leaves her partner for him.

Girl finds boy attractive, so has an affair ~ which keeps secret from her boyfriend.


If she leaves her partner, they may stiil get back together.

If she has an affair and the boyfriend finds out, he may yet forgive her and they might stay together.


Your story does not fit into any of these categories.

You don't have an open relationship, because you are not sleeping with other women (are you?)

She hasn't really left you for him, and you are not really an 'ex', because she is keeping tabs on you and says that she is planning to return.

She is not having a secret affair, because she has told you all about it.

You are 'on a break' but haven't completely broken up.

To me, that would be like a husband agreeing to his wife going on holiday with another man and sleeping with him. I can see how, for some couples, this might be beneficial. However, for most, I think that it would not work and would be considered very unusual.

How would you react if one of your friends was in this situation?

You say that you want to go to Japan or the USA?
Where are you at present?

at present I am in Europe, anyway here i have some update,
first all she still dont believe that the guy sent me all the Disrespectful text message to my phone( I showed her from my phone). She thinks that somehow I made that up. but the funny thing for me is how can i write text message from his phone,its impassible to do that. but somehow she dont believe me for that, well I kind of kind of know why she dont believe me ( I think she just dont want to believe it, maybe she just wanna live in the dream she have about him). anyway when ever we talk about it we start fight.she dont want believe what i showed her and i felt that she is disrespect me.
more to come she is calling me now so i talk to her first than i keep the update

Ok I am Back again, just hung up the phone with her ( spend 2hrs and 30 mints on the phone with her). anyway let me do the update again.
1. she don't believe that guy sent me all the disrespectful text message. she thinks some how i sent the Message to myself with his number.( can people really do that? I dont know please let me know if any of you know somehow you can send SMS from another peoples number to yourself).
2. she still think she love me like friend.
3. she still want take the break.
4. she keep calling me and tell me she miss me and love me.
5. she still still want hold me here in Europe and she dont want me to move to other place.
6. she still acting like we are used to be.
7. now she start to telling me the problems about our relationship.
8. she still think we should break up but want wait.
9. she still keep talk about what we should do during the holiday.
10. she still keep involved with my life about how we should do thing and what we shouldnt do it. ( like what we should buy and what we shouldnt buy and how to save more money so we can take a holiday).
11. she is not happy when was on the phone with her than my ex girlfriend called me from the USA, she asked me who called and i told her it was my ex so she wasn't that happy.
12. when i told her that my ex want me to move to the USA with her, she got angry and asked me does she know you are with me?
13. she keep say if we break up can we still be friend. she say I really dont want lose you.
14. she start to asking me if she is hold me from dating another girl or not.
well thats all i think i found out until now. when ever we start to talk about the SMS we start have fight, becoz she really want me to tell her that i was lie and he didnt sent the SMS but I did it by myself. and I always telling her that she can believe what she want to believe and I know and i believe what i saw and read in my phone.
I start to disappoint on her and start to lose my respect and love to her. now i start to feel that she is just used me and keep play game with me or keep me as her back up. maybe is a good thing for me the more disappointment i get the more will make me move on without her. since the day i came back from her mum's place i start to feel that I am lose respect and love to her. becoz now it dont feel sad, coz i did all what i can in order to get her back. but the more i try the more disappointment i get. anyway I think maybe is good that i get more and more disappointment from her, so I wont feel regret anything.
I still do love her and still cares about how she feels, thats why i dont want fight with her about the stupid SMS thing. maybe i should just said to her,ok baby i did it by myself somehow. so i lied to you about it.if that will make her feel better. I can do that too. becoz she is the love of my life....
thank you again for your time my friend, and thanks for all the help you give me...

Only you can decide what to do now.

You have heard what some of us on the forum think.

Your decision about what you do must be yours.

I wish you luck!

Sad news! her father past away...... she dont live with her father so she havnt visit him for past two week, today her father's neighbors called the Police, when the police went to his house, they found him dead about a week back....
Now I really dont know what to do, she is sad and blame herself for not taken good care of her father,please tell me should i go to her and taken care of her? I asked her if she want me to come but she seems too sad to think and talk....

Confused Soul - You have had lots of nice, good, polite advise. Here it is straight - You are making a fool of yourself over this girl. My advise - Stop it - Love is a choice.

Confused Soul, you have been very supportive of this girl, but she has a new boyfriend, now, to support her in her time of grief.

You have offered help & support and she has not accepted the offer.

If she is sleeping with another man, then I think that you need to accept that your relationship is over.

BLR is probably right. Think about what you want now.

Take care.