I'm 26, the guy is 27 (we are 6 months apart), I'm female.

So I met this guy in one of my classes for graduate school; let's call him Bobby. Bobby is from another country, and I speak the language of his country fluently (read & write too).

Bobby doesn't have a car, so I sent him an e-mail offering to give him a ride to our last class and he accepted, and seemed very grateful as well. When Bobby got in the car, he told me he had a dream with me in it. I asked Bobby what it was about and he said he couldn't tell me. Bobby didn't say it in a gross way or anything, and we left it at that. That's when I first got the inkling that Bobby may like me. I also told him that we cannot help what we dream. I'm also not sure if he really had the dream or one of his room mates may have told him to say that to me to see what my reaction would be. We talked about other things during the car ride, nothing out-of-the-ordinary.

So, probably about a week later, I told Bobby to come study with some of us in the class for our final (which would be that day after) and he did and we all studied and everything, I sat next to him everything went well, and I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up the next morning to come in to school for our final exam in that class. Bobby said yes, was pretty happy about it, had a huge, genuine smile on his face. I picked him up the next morning, we talked in the car, and we took our final.

We had a cocktail party for our department at our school and I asked Bobby if he was coming and he said yes, and he was there. Neither of us were drunk, in fact, I only had four tiny sips of a Jack and Coke and then 3-4 bottles of water. We went to get drinks together and we talked a lot, I felt a LOT of chemistry and Bobby came pretty close to me, put his hands on my back to direct me to see one of our professors (cause I didn't see where our professor was). One of my friends at the party also mentioned to me how close Bobby was getting to me. I asked Bobby then if he wanted to come with me to one of my friend's birthday "party" the next night and he smiled and said yes and even seemed kinda surprised I guess. So at the end of the cocktail party, I asked Bobby if he wanted a ride home from us (my parents and sister came) and he said no that he'd take the bus, but I insisted and asked my dad and he was like "sure!". While we were driving, my parents were like "why don't you just come to our house and sleep there and he was like "ok". We all talked in the car, and it seemed like everyone was comfortable (since all of my family speaks his language as well, we all spoke to each other in his language). During the car ride, he mentioned that he had a fiancee and she left him. Nobody asked any questions or prodded him, but it seemed like this happened to him around a year ago. So it seemed like everyone got along and no one was uncomfortable.

When we got to my house we sat and talked (not just me and him, but my sister, mom and my dad too for a bit). He loved my dogs and joked with me that he was going to take one of them back with him (a few times). One of our mutual friends came over (she has a boyfriend but he's in Africa) and we watched a movie. After the movie was over at about 12:45 am Bobby and our mutual friend said the were going to go because Bobby had to go to work at 9am the next morning and it was 1/2 an hour from our house and our mutual friend lived close to where he was going to work (our mutual friend has two room mates). We offered for both of them to sleep over beforehand and I told him beforehand that I would drive him to work the next morning. I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to inconvenience me and I didn't want to push it having him sleepover and feel uncomfortable maybe. Bobby and our mutual friend aren't together and I severely doubt anything happened with them that night (I would bet my life on it).

So the next day, my friend called who was having her birthday celebration that night and told me when and where it would be. I e-mailed Bobby letting him know the info and to call or e-mail me when he was done with work (he was actually helping a friend with a lot of yard work with some other foreign students). Well, he didn't contact me, so I called his phone probably around 6pm and left a message. He called back soon after that he was still there, and was not sure when he would be able to get back to his place to wash off. I asked him if he wanted to go and that I would pick him up and take him to his apartment for him to wash off and he said that was good. I knew he was tired and when I went to get him I even asked if he really wanted to go b/c I knew he was tired and he said he would accommodate me (he didn't say it in a mean or odd way). I told him that we would just stay for like 1/2 hour then and I told him that I felt bad. So we only stayed for 1/2 hour and I drove him home just around midnight. We talked during the car ride, I didn't feel uncomfortable or get any negative vibes or anything from him.

He's told me before that I'm different than other American girls.
He told me how normal my family was compared to other families he's visited that have the same ethnic background living in America. I told him jokingly that he just doesn't know my family that well yet
At the cocktail party my dad put in a bid in a silent auction for a sweater and coffee mug and he "won" and Bobby said he like the color of the shirt on girls and when girls wear those types of colors (again, he said it in a respectful way.)
He is really a true gentleman.
He hasn't kissed me or tried or held my hand or anything like that.
He really is a very nice and sweet guy (I know, I know, but he really is).
Nothing has seemed fake about him at all, he seems to me like an incredibly genuine person. I have also been truthful and honest with him, I'm not making myself to be anything more than I am.
He is somewhat shy and reserved, as am I. I can't even believe I was able to ask him to my friend's party- I felt so proud of myself to have that confidence; I've never asked a guy out before!
He doesn't brag and I'm like that too.
He doesn't have a lot of money, but I don't care because all I care about is a nice guy.
He's really smart.

So far, I've been initiating everything and he hasn't called me or e-mailed me (except for calling or e-mailing me back) or asked me to go anywhere. I feel like he probably hasn't asked me to go anywhere because he doesn't have a car and may feel weird asking me and then having me come pick him up. Our professor e-mailed us in the beginning of the week that our grades were in and I wanted to e-mail him and ask how he did, but I decided to wait and see if he would contact me to ask, but he never did. Right now, I'm not contacting him b/c I don't want to seem desperate or crazy (I'm not even though this is a novel). I also feel like maybe he didn't call/e-mail me this week because of his fiancee leaving him probably not so long ago (~1 year ago I estimate) and he's afraid to get into a relationship. But when we talk and are together it seems like he likes me and I do like him and he's the first guy I could ever consider being boyfriend (or even more in the future, who knows??) material. The ball is in his court and I'm waiting for him to make the next move (very hopefully!)

So, what is up with this guy? Does he like me (cause I really feel like he does)? Why doesn't he call or even just e-mail me, even about something neutral like how I did in the class?

I will see him this Saturday at a graduation party and hopefully we will keep hitting it off.

So that is all the info I could think of, sorry it's so long but I wanted to give as many details as possible! THANKS FOR ANY ADVICE AND ANSWERS!!!

hmmm ive been in your place,,and have kicked my self many times on "waiting for the guy" to make the next move, and they never did..then later when i see them again (like yr's later) i asked them why they never did, and they all seem the have the same answer which is " REALLY, i had no idea you even liked me like that, i just thought you only wanted to be friends" and then they would tell me, how they also like me , but was afread to make a move...(keep in mind this was only with # guys ive asked after the fact< i cant say they all felt that way< but the # i asked did lol) SO HMMMM if you feel he does like you and if you do like him..then just go for it and ask him on a date..i know its scary, but what would be worse really..him saying "im sorry but no" or you never really knowing for sure how it could have all went...besides if he does say no, in a few weeks you well never see him again, well at lest not as much as you do know....so i would if i was you.......i'll exsplain why i say this lol...ok ive never been the girl that makes the moves and i missed out on alot becasue i waited on the guy to make the move,,but my last day in college i finly got the nerve to ask a guy out (that i had flirted with the whole time with and him back) and he said yes,,and we went out for lunch right after his last class..now he is not the guy im married to, but i look back at that and smile, becasue i steped up and didnt just wait and hide.....it sounds like he does like you so this well turn out good, mostlikly..so go for it and stop waiting on him to mak the move girl!!

It sounds like he does like you however something you said about a comment he made concerns me. You said he mentioned how normal your family was compared to other families he has visited that had the same ethnic background. The fact that he mentioned ethnic background bring up the issue of family. Do you know if his religion or family have issues with him dating someone who is not his same religion or ethnicity. Perhaps he likes you but feels bound by his families beliefs. Some religions frown on marrying outside their faith. Marriage outside of their race is also forbidden if not outright discouraged. I hope it isn't, but perhaps it would be good to discuss his views on religion etc. in a casual conversation before you put yourself out on a limb by asking him out on an actual date.

Hi & welcome!

Yes, it does sound as if he likes you, but something seems to be holding him back.

It could be something to do with family, as Joandboys suggested.

Are there religious or cultural differences that could be important and might be affecting his behaviour?

Maybe he is just shy and, like you, doesn't want to appear too forward, or desperate??

You could be right about the lack of car.

Or about remembering his fiancee & what happened there.

Maybe he thinks that your family, by asking him to stay, etc, had some expectations of him ~ perhaps this pressured him a bit??

Maybe he doesn't want to get too involved with someone from a country that isn't his home.
After all, if things got serious, would you be willing to move to his country?
Could he / would he stay in yours?

Why not contact him about those results and go for coffee or something?
You might just find out!

Thanks to all who responded!

To answer a few questions: we are the same religion, but I do not attend church (but I probably lead a more moral life than 99% of church-goers). We are both of the same ethnic background; my mom was born in the same country as Bobby and my father's parents were born in the same country as Bobby. This country is in Europe and just for info we all have the same skin color (not that that would make a difference to me, but, as joandboys questioned, his family possibly having a problem with something like that, so that is not the problem! :))

He has sorta a negative view of Americans (we are wasteful is what he told me which is totally true). Let's say that Bobby is from Sweden. The comment he made about my family being 'normal' compared to other Swedish families in America he's visited was that those Swedish families were very "American" and wasteful. He's not one of those foreigners that hates America though. We actually had a little discussion on gun ownership and he was against it and I was for it and we both explained our sides and it was a fun little conversation.

On another note, once when we were talking I told him that I'm American and he's hurting my feelings saying mean things about Americans (I said it in a jokingly) and he told me that I'm not even American, that I'm half Swedish and quarter of where my dad was born, and that I'm barely even American. I told him I was American though. It wasn't an argument it was actually kinda cute.

My problem is that so far I've done all the asking and whatnot and I feel like he maybe doesn't like me that he doesn't even send me a short e-mail saying "hey how ya doing, what's up?" I'm not even going to see him now on Saturday because the graduation party was moved up two weeks, but I will see him in school on Monday night!

I think I've made it pretty clear to him that I like him (asking him when he's coming back after he goes home for the summer, if he will be at this grad party, inviting him to my sister's grad party, inviting him to my friends bday party...), so he doesn't really need to fear rejection, I think his ex-fiancee has the most to do with it and the fact that he doesn't have a car may play into it. I have no problems picking him up and I don't expect to be lavished with any sorts of gifts. If he were my bf all I'd want is him, I don't care about gifts, just an awesome bf who loves/likes me (and me him) and is loyal (cause I am too)!

Also, he and a group of other Swedish students went on a little half-day trip to a destination about 1/2 hour away and I was thinking/hoping that he may call or e-mail me asking if I wanted to go with them (this was after I had invited him to my friend's bday party) and he didn't It was weird cause he was definitely getting close to me the day before. So I'm just confused and don't want to make anymore 'big moves' and here's to hoping he does!

Oh and about me moving to his country if things got serious, I would but I haven't told him that because that seems like a little too much for now! I actually lived in his country for a year and didn't like it that much. I have to admit I didn't like my job the pay was HORRIBLE and I just had a good number of misfortunes happen to me. There were good times though. I'm not sure if he'd stay in America though, but I think he might.

Thanks again everybody and I still welcome and appreciate all feedback!!

Well, none of us can get inside his mind.
Any further suggestions would only be guesses.

Maybe he just isn't ready for a serious involvement just yet.

The only way you will know is to ask him / talk to him.

Good luck!

I agree it would only be guessing. If you were to look at anything he said as a clue, however, the fiancee was mentioned when he might have been feeling as if things were getting closer. Perhaps it was because he was trying to say something about it. He may feel it is too soon or is hesitant to get involved. Being around him in a non pressure setting with no expectations would allow him to get to know you and decide if he wanted to get more involved. I think you are right in letting him make the next move. Just continue to be yourself. He obviously enjoys your company. All good relationships begin as good friendships.

Yes, I think that sounds very possible Jo.

I think he is probably interested. From my experience, guys are often afraid that a girl doesn't like them. With my boyfriend now, I asked him out on our first date and I thought that made it obvious that I liked him, but he told me after we were dating that he still had no idea as to whether I liked him or not. I seriously was obvious!! Haha. Because I kept making the first move he finally figured out that I liked him and then started asking me out on dates. Whew... now that was almost 3 years ago since we started dating.

I am not saying this to be sexist, so all you guys out there hold on to your keyboards. Having said that, it seems sometimes that you have to hit them between the eyes with a two day old mackeral before they say something smells fishy. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. That might be an interesting game. Someone on here could pose a question, and all the women could identify themselves as female and answer and all the guys could do likewise and also identify themselves as male. It would be interesting to see the difference. Maybe PDM would like to get involved in the off topic section.

I met a lad in college, who shared a number of my classes.
(It turned out that he was a friend of the lad who would become my boyfriend ~ and now husband}.

All of us girls in the group had a bit of a crush on him. We used to follow him round and chat to him.

I told him this, recently ~ 30 years on ~ and had had absolutely no idea. He had thought that none of the girls had even noticed him.

Sounds great!

I'm not able to be on here as much as usual for a number of reasons, but I thinks that it is a good idea, all the same.

See:
Dilemma - Male & Female Viewpoints (Game)
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=291996#Post291996

Thanks for everyone's input! I wasn't expecting so many comments! I will let him make the next move then (whenever that comes, no rush) and we will be seeing each other four times a week in school starting Monday.

I still welcome any other comments, suggestions, etc. if anyone has anything else to add

THANKS!!!

I highly agree! Unfortunately, I got caught up once in this without the prior knowledge... Our friendship had advanced, and his family came to him and had a "talk."

I have to add that like the other women have mentioned here, I've missed out on a lot because I didn't step up and say something. Men are notorious for not picking up on clues! They even admit it. Anyhow, these days I don't wait. I'm not going to miss out on anything anymore. Imagine if the proverbial Romeo never made a move for Juliet- what would have happened? Nothing. And they would have never felt the deep love that they had for each other. Am I going to possibly miss out on something like that because I'm not sure about something? NO! Darn if I'm not going to walk right up to him and ask. Why waste your time? Why waste your heart's time pining away, wondering?

Some people may view me as being forward, but I can't stand the "not knowing," and would rather move on to the next phase, whatever that may be.

So, go for it! You've already established a friendship... ask if he wants more!