this is a semi-long one. i'm having a brutally difficult time reading a situation with a woman - needing advice. several months ago, my (now, ex) girlfriend moved out of state. several months after she left, i started talking with a good friend of hers ... we have gone out several times - but email often ... about everything, and anything.

spending time with her is very comfortable - touching (not over - but standing side by side with bodies touch ... grabbing forearm, eye contact - laughing...etc. conversation seems very comfortable about sometimes not very comfortable things. i know she still talks to me ex - and i know that she is less that honest about how often we talk - and that we spend time together.

the whole thing though - seems kind of tense. comfortable but tense. i have a hard time reading what is happening - at times, i feel i read that something is growing but i can't really tell.

i do notice that i seem to be the driver - but i've yet to see what happens if i stop and kinda disappear; but im just not a game player. id love to get some insight....

maybe she likes you, maybe she won't go any farther because she feels it would be like betraying her friend...

you say "several months ago" your ex left, and "several months after she left (left the state?/left the relationship?" you started talking to her friend. I'm confused just how long you've been talking to her friend and how soon after you broke up this happened...

In my experience, "comfortable" is also a weird descriptor... there have been people I've been "comfortable" with and then couldn't stand a couple months later. I'm not trying to say this is bad by any means, just throwing it out there.


My advice with any relationship is always to take it slowly and not to do anything anybody might regret--it's generally easier on all parties in the long run.

its been 8 months - and no, there is no longer a relationship with the ex. i've wondered the whole 'ex' factor. betrayal, etc. i definitely don't have a clear read on what 'comfortable' means, either - and have been trying to play it mellow. after-all, i can't even really say that i know what i'm after, exactly. i know she is very attractive - we are more similar than my ex and i ever were ... and there seems to be a mutual interest in talking ---

ahh, the delicate balance of being honest - while not overstepping boundaries. fun stuff!

Have you tried asking her if she feels that she's betraying her friend/your ex by seeing you? And do you feel any guilt over it? One more question. Are you two dating or just hanging out and what do both of you want?
Okay, that was two questions, whatever.
I think maybe you should just sit down and talk to her about everything. If the two of you are truly comfortable with each other, it shouldn't be a problem.

Welcome hasseffect.

I agree with Sala ~ "maybe she likes you, maybe she won't go any farther because she feels it would be like betraying her friend..."

I wonder if she ~ and maybe you too ~ do, indeed, feel awkward about that old relationship. I can certainly see how it might have its effect.

Do you think that things would be different, if you did not both already have a relationship with your ex?