I dont even know where to begin. I have been married for a year now. Dated for about 3 prior to getting married. He is from Argentina, so I got him his papers by us getting married. We are very much in love, but lately I have had some serious issues with trust. He recently went to Argentina to visit his family and friends for the first time since he left. I couldnt go with him as we didnt have enough money for both of us. The background to my issue is a LONG LONG non blood cousin that he had something going on with when "he was a teenager", though I later found out that it lasted well into 2002, before we met. Though they were miles appart they shared lots of love emails. I have never had the need to check his emails until his trip. She spent the night at his house, she is very close to his family and him, and they spent the night staying up and talking all night. Mind you, he thinks I believe that they were teenagers when they had this "thing" and it involved jsut a simple kiss. So, I insisted on her coming to the web came as I was saying goodnight to my husband to meet her. She came, acted all wierd, and just disappeared in seconds without saying by or anything. She seemed very upset that she had to meet me. So, I got confused, and decided to look into my husbands emails. There I found numerous love letters, of them talking about how they missed eachother and how they loved eachother and that she missed him and stuff along those lines. Then, the next morning he said, oh, she just left, dont worry, nothing happened. And insisted that they never had anything "special" going on in the past. Why would he lie to me, if he had been honest all along maybe I wouldnt feel this horrible. I think that he DID cheat on me, you cant be close to someone you cared for and love so much, and no cousin love either, and spend a night together and not have something happen. Thats why I no longer talk to any ex boyfriends, especially in person, becasue we shared something in the past, because when we see eachother we remember it. He things that its no big deal she spent the night. I am freaking out that my marriage is a lie. I cant eat, sleep, i have panic attacks, and am about to leave him without even knowing the truth. Mind you, I did try and talk to him numerous times, he just gets mad that I dont trust him. Though I keep seeing those emails...they have stopped since 2002, but I cant help that they are talking in some alternative way. PLEASE EASE MY MIND. I cant talk to anyone about this, I am close to his sister, but she doesnt know about his past with the cousin.

Also, to add to alllll of this...I feel like I cant tell him that I read his emails, which is my only proof, because the he will never trust ME again. I dont want to cause a fight, I just want to know the truth. I just need to feel at ease.

Hi and welcome

I wish that I could ease your mind, but I just don't know if something is going on with your husband and this girl, or not.

Maybe he told you that it was a long time ago, so that you wouldn't worry about it. I suppose that this is a possibility.

However, you know that they were an item until only a few years ago. And ~ have I read this correctly ~ they spent a night together on his recent trip home? But it was supposedly just an innocent thing?

And the 'love letter' e-mails ~ they were from the past, before you knew him? Have I understood that correctly?

(If they are so old, how come you just found them?)

If my husband spent the night with an old flame, which he didn't wish to talk about, then I would be feeling upset & confused too, but it may be that it really was innocent.

The old e-mails are your proof that they were very close in the past ~ despite what he says ~ but he is married to you now, so your real concern is whether something is still going on.

Presumably he doesn't see her ~ he is with you ~ so maybe he is being faithful to the marriage and just spent some time reminiscing.

You say that you 'are very much in love'. If he does really love you and you love him you, then you should be able to trust each other. Has a trust issue arisen before?

You also say 'I got him his papers by us getting married' ~ do you think that this is relevant to what is going on ~ if anything is?

I don't know, but I can understand you being very concerned that your husband spent a night with his ex. You need to know the truth, but hassling him to talk may just cause (unnecessary) arguments. And telling him you went through his e-mails might, too.

I don't know, but you do need to sort this out.

Maybe someone else will have some ideas.

Good luck.

Hi,
you must be so nervous. one thing you HAVE to do is confront your husband. you cant just live your life not noing if he cheated on you. and if he is you husband you need to be able to talk to him and tell him whats on your mind. of corse he will be mad but if he really loves you then soon enough he will get over you looking at his mail. and plus if he really was sending love letters to another women and you found out then you looking at his mail would be the last thing on his mind.

You have a point there.