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#92567 12/09/06 06:00 AM
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Victor wrote:

"Sure - lots of married people find other people attractive, intriguing, desirable .. alot of those are natural feelings that cannot be helped. But going down that road, trying to get to know that "other" individual a little better - that is a big mistake that is clearly avoidable in my mind."

And:

"Again I disagree - and perhaps this has as much to do with definitions as anything. Using my definition above, love involves an enormous emotional committment - more of a "melding" of two individuals - so falling in love with another individual outside of marriage - even just "emotionally" and not physically, is still a huge breech of the love "contract" in my book."

-------------------------------------------------

Victor:

I think you're looking at this with your mind rather than your heart. It's said that the longest twelve inches in the world is the distance between your brain and your heart.

Marriages - even healthy ones - go through valleys. You can't be on top of the mountain all of the time. I can't, anyway. And I feel that at a time like this, if the circumstances are right, you can fall in love with another woman.

Tell me you're immune to a beautiful woman, Victor. Tell me that a woman in a form fitting dress, with long hair, big eyes and a killer smile doesn't do you in. And when she walks by, you smell her perfume or her hair. And when she looks at you there's a twinkle in her eye. And to make things more difficult, she admires you and respects you greatly. She hangs on your every word.

Now, suppose you're around her every day at work, and after a while you realize how amazing she is. She's smart, sexy and has an amazing personality. And hey...she likes philosophy, wine and cooking...and so do you!!

And lets say that you start to have lunch together and sometimes a quick drink together after work, and after a few weeks you realize that you can't stop thinking about her at all.
She drives you crazy, so you decide to tell her how you feel about her. And to your surprise, she tells you that she is in love with you.

You find your heart pounding because you can't believe your ears. This goddess feels the same way as you do, but you're married. Your wife, who has been there and put up with you all these years, who has been your greatest strength and supporter for half of your life, doesn't enter into your mind at that moment. All you think about is this woman who makes you feel so good and so alive.

And that's when you walk away, because if you kiss her...you're a dead man!

So tell me Victor...tell me this couldn't happen to any one of us married men. Remember, Samson was brought down by the beauty of a woman.

Women can be magical, as you know. And I just feel that given the right circumstances, when everything is in the right place, you can fall in love with another woman. I'm not even remotely suggesting that I believe in crossing the line, but love is indeed possible.

And to be honest with you, it doesn't have to be a bad thing either. Women are the most wonderful thing we have on this planet, and I think we should love them all.

And J-bo...I'm not suggesting that this is something to do for excitement. But it is something to do for the joy of loving.


http://livingstoncooks.blogspot.com/
Perception is reality.
#92568 12/09/06 07:17 AM
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Well there's a lot of difference between loving and lust

#92569 12/09/06 03:29 PM
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Yes, there is. And i'm talking about love.


http://livingstoncooks.blogspot.com/
Perception is reality.
#92570 12/09/06 06:40 PM
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From Mark aka Argyll
Quote:
And lets say that you start to have lunch together and sometimes a quick drink together after work, and after a few weeks you realize that you can't stop thinking about her at all.
She drives you crazy, so you decide to tell her how you feel about her. And to your surprise, she tells you that she is in love with you.
whoaaaa - OK so we are really going into this one ....
OK first I will say that LUCKILY I have not been in this situation described by Mark. And I pray that I am never going to be. Without baring too much of my soul - I will say this - I would stop it before it even got to having lunch by ourselves, and definitely not a drink after work. At that point, I think betrayal has already begun.
When you choose to get married - or choose a serious lifelong partner - then you choose to give up a few other things. That's a choice you make and a commitment you make.
I am not claiming that I'm invulnerable - but to date - I have been married 8 yrs and have not felt even remotely tested. Could things change -perhaps but I doubt it. I can find others attractive, but that's it. I have no interest or intent in seeing if there is a "connection" or mutual feeling, and for some strange reason I haven't had tons of women knocking down my door. Not sure why - but aside from my average to below average looks, I'd say its because I don't send out any vibe that I'm looking. even remotely.

I do see what you're saying, Mark. But I think that a man content in his marriage does not go down that path. that door has been shut. He can look out the window - but it stops there. with no regrets.

....somebody help me out here .... confused

#92571 12/10/06 12:20 AM
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If you work with people, then you may well have coffee or lunch together ~ depending on the work, you may spend a lot of time alone together.

I read that police partners can become very involved with and dependent on each other ~ and if one is male and the other female, then this relationship, if it proves to be a good one, can test a marriage to extremes.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#92572 12/10/06 01:07 AM
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Hi Victor:

I'm not trying to justify anything at all, but I guess my point boils down to the fact that life changes...we change...and sometimes we need something from another person - say of the opposite sex - that we don't receive from our spouse.

Unless you find an exchange on emotional level with someone a betrayal, I don't see anything wrong with connecting with someone on that level.

Love has many faces and can be experienced in many ways other than within marriage. I think this requires an open mind and freedom from religious restraints.

I know this is a difficult one to get your head around.


http://livingstoncooks.blogspot.com/
Perception is reality.
#92573 12/10/06 01:21 AM
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And I'm not trying to win an argument here. But how can you tell someone what an orange tastes like unless they've eaten one themselves?


http://livingstoncooks.blogspot.com/
Perception is reality.
#92574 12/10/06 01:32 AM
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From Mark [quote] And I'm not trying to win an argument here. But how can you tell someone what an orange tastes like unless they've eaten one themselves? [/quote]OK - you've got me there (after taking 3 minutes for me to figure out what you meant :) ). You're right - I have not felt tested, so I have not been there. My question is, do some men (and women), just let themselves be tested. Not intentionally, but out of carelessness or naiveté (or however you spell that) - do they get themselves in situations that could have been avoided. I imagine the more beautiful you are, the more advances come your way - so with all probability i'll be in the clear in that department, and for that i am thankful. Also from Mark: [quote] Unless you find an exchange on emotional level with someone a betrayal, I don't see anything wrong with connecting with someone on that level. [/quote]Although I am not a fan of slippery slope arguments - this is one time where I am leary of any emotional connection that supercedes that of your chosen life partner. As I stated much earlier - I think platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex are rare. There usually is one or the other or both who have other thoughts. I personally am willing to take a pass on a great platonic friendship, just as a preventive measure to keep my marriage and my own fidelity in tact. but as you said - haven't had to taste that orange... have you?

#92575 12/10/06 01:35 AM
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No judgment from me, Buddy. Food for thought.

I have a history (before Marge). I won on all accounts.


Marge is the love of my life.
#92576 12/10/06 04:44 AM
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Anita Bryant said it best: "A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine!"

That being said, I've never been unfaithful to my wife. And yes, I've been tested by fire.


http://livingstoncooks.blogspot.com/
Perception is reality.
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