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male friend getting married #406701
12/13/10 11:31 PM
12/13/10 11:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
J
jilly Offline OP
Best Friend
jilly  Offline OP
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
One of my last close friends, who is a guy, will probably be getting married soon. How do i try to remain a part of his life without getting his wife irked? We like to go hiking, backpacking and paddling together and I would be broken hearted to lose that large part of our friendship.


Jilly

Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly] #406715
12/14/10 03:46 AM
12/14/10 03:46 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
I think that it is very difficult for a woman to have a close friendship with a man ~ especially if he is married.

If you work together, then you can chat at work, but, otherwise, I have found that it is virtually impossible to be anything more than distantly friendly.

I have argued on here, before, that platomic friendships are perfectly possible ~ not that everyone believes this ~ but in practice it can be very difficult.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM] #406725
12/14/10 02:38 PM
12/14/10 02:38 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
I've continued to think about this and would like to add that I do not mind my husband being friendly with women, or being out in a group with women, but I would not be at all happy if he went for long country walks alone with another woman, or paddling on the beach with her. These ventures seem to be the stuff of romance and I would, actually, be very upset.

If hiking and paddling are to remain on the menu, then I think that others will have to be involved ~ preferably his wife and your hudband ~ and a few other couples, perhaps. smile

Last edited by PDM; 12/14/10 02:40 PM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM] #406726
12/14/10 04:15 PM
12/14/10 04:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
J
jilly Offline OP
Best Friend
jilly  Offline OP
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
My husband doesn't enjoy these activities.

I am starting to have a bad feeling about this. It really isn't fair. I have been doing these things with my friend for a decade now. His girlfriend has only been in the picture 6 months.


Jilly

Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly] #406864
12/19/10 03:49 PM
12/19/10 03:49 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
But that's life, Jilly.
And maybe this girl won't mind you carrying on with your walks, etc.
Maybe they won't even get married ~ 6 months isn't very long.

But you are married, and he is entitled to be married, too ~ with all that this entails.

Last edited by PDM; 12/20/10 04:54 AM. Reason: typos

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM] #406884
12/20/10 03:56 AM
12/20/10 03:56 AM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
J
jilly Offline OP
Best Friend
jilly  Offline OP
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I guess what I should have done is find a mate that likes to do the things I like to do. Too late now.

Maybe I will be lucky and my friend will be able to still have adventures together.


Jilly

Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly] #406888
12/20/10 04:54 AM
12/20/10 04:54 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
Maybe smile
Good luck!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM] #406922
12/21/10 07:25 AM
12/21/10 07:25 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 24
A
Angela Nielsen Offline
New Member
Angela Nielsen  Offline
New Member
A
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 24
It depends if her wife is a an understanding and trust on his husband then there will be no problem.


Get Your Ex Back
Look to the future!
Re: male friend getting married [Re: Angela Nielsen] #406923
12/21/10 07:28 AM
12/21/10 07:28 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 24
A
Angela Nielsen Offline
New Member
Angela Nielsen  Offline
New Member
A
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 24
Its complicated when you have a wife that's very jealous because this could be a start of a fight.


Get Your Ex Back
Look to the future!
Re: male friend getting married [Re: Angela Nielsen] #406925
12/21/10 04:28 PM
12/21/10 04:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
Virginia
MW1 Offline
Companion
MW1  Offline
Companion
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
Virginia
I'm trying to think of how I would handle something like this if my husband were to go out on hikes with another woman... I think it would bother me because I would be wondering why my husband would want to go and spend all this time with another woman instead of with me - I would wonder why he doesn't ask me to come along, even if that other woman is married, because unfortunately the meaning of marriage to some people doesn't necessarily mean staying loyal.

It's great that you and your male friend are able to go out on hikes and your husband is fine with it, that must mean that he trusts your friend. Reason I say this is because my husband has always told me (and I the same to him), it's the other people we don't trust.

But, no worries about it now, he's not married yet... and who knows what the future will hold. My one suggestion would be to start trying to get her involved with you guys - might make her less apprehensive about it when he suggests going on a hike with you if she's not up for coming along.

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