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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline OP
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Angela, if this means so much to you, and he is not even willing to discuss it, then maybe you both need to have a think and a talk about your relationship.

Is he always going to dismiss what is important to you? You have no doubts about him loving you, and wanting to marry you, and live with you for ever ~ but will everything have to be on his terms?

Why does he quarrel about it?
Why is he so set against it?

I can understand the concern about cost.
Weddings do tend to be very expensive, and I think that a lot of men are not too bothered about them ~ and would rather save the money for something else.

But, as others have pointed out, it is possible to have a lovely white wedding, in church, without it costing a fortune.

You can buy an inexpensive dress ~ they do exist ~ in sales, or second hand, or one that is suitable but not actually a wedding dress. You could even borrow some things.

I am sure that the church fees could be reduced, by not having a choir, or decorations, etc.

You could have a party at home, or in a church hall, instead of a lavish reception. You and your friends and relations could do your own catering or ~ as my friend did ~ you could ask people to bring a dish along and gave a pot luck supper.

There are so many options. I think that it is unfair for him to dismiss this out of hand ~ unless, of course, there is some special reason that you haven't mentioned.
Is there??

Is it possible that he thinks that you are more eager to walk down the aisle in your wedding dress than you are to be married to him?
In other words, does he think that the wedding is more important to you than the marriage ~ and him!?

I don't want to stir things up for you, but you are obviously already upset and concerned about this, so it really needs to be sorted out between the two of you.

Marriage has to be a compromise ~ with give and take. You both have to be able to discuss ~ even if you only agree to disagree.

If you don't sort this out, soon, then one of you ~ or both of you ~ will start married life annoyed and upset. That is not a good idea.

Good luck! smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
MW1 Offline
Companion
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Companion
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
I agree with PDM...

Maybe you could start the conversation off by saying you know this is a touchy subject, but it's something you feel you both need to discuss as it's important and impacts you both.

Good luck!

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
J
Best Friend
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Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
Angela, I think PDM has raised some excellent points. This will be a marriage for both of you - hopefully for life - and starting off with one person angry isn't the best beginning. Or two angry people.

It's an emotional topic. I might be leaning towards you being the bigger person here and realizing that the wedding day is just a day. And that a solid marriage is more important than a dream of walking down the aisle. You may have to be the grown-up with this one and offer a compromise.

Of course, I am not religious and might be missing the point, but it DOES seem that you are caught up mostly in the dreamy image of the Big Day if you are crying over this issue. This should not be something to cry about. You should be thrilled - your love is going to marry you! You will be joined! Think of the good things.

If you can compromise, and he can't meet you somewhere in the middle, then I do agree that maybe this is not the right man for you. In my mind, you will both have to give a little bit now, to be happy long term.

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