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Okay for starters, I've been out of the dating game for a long while. I'm in my late thirties now, but when comes to girls I am still the same shy, unconfident kid I was when I was 13. In my few cases of dating/relationships, it's the girl who always made the first move. Even at my age I won't approach a woman first. Pretty pathetic.

I joined Facebook about a year ago or so. Someone I used to work with found me on there. Someone who I had secret crush on back then and of course I never said anything to anyone. But other than the friend request, we had no contact on Facebook over the year. Then a few weeks ago she sent me a message. She told me she remembered a funny moment with me many years ago at work. I replied it was good to hear from her and I remembered the moment as well. Then she replied back that maybe we could get together and catch up. I agreed. So we met up last week.

I was nervous as hell about the whole meeting few days leading up to our meeting. When I saw her, she looked great. Almost like I remembered, except she was more mature now. Dinner went well enough, I suppose. But I thought I left her with few awkward moments when I couldn't think about what to talk about. My problem was I was thinking way too much. But I must have done good enough, because she agreed to go for a drink. In all the evening lasted 4 and half hours. But I thought I tried too hard and worried too much about how I came across. We did have some good conversation. We had some good common interest like wine, music and films to name a few. But afterwards, I figured this would be it. It bothered me because I found I still liked her. Especially because she is different than anyone else I had gone out with. She is more reserved and quiet, but I know like me, she does come out of the shell when she is comfortable.

The next day I sent her a message on Facebook telling her I had a nice time and I hoped we could do it again. She responded and said she had fun too and would like to do it again soon. I replied and said I'm up for it whenever she is available. She replied how about this weekend. So at this point it looks like we will go out this weekend.

So all should be good so far, right? Not with me.

I understand this is only the second time out. I obviously have an interest in her. I figure she must have some interest in me to agree to a second time out. I'm not ahead of myself in anyway. It's a "let's see where this leads to" situation.

My problem is this. Myself. I fear I am going to ruin this. I don't see myself as some interesting enough, funny enough and even cool enough to win over a great girl. I fear I am going to trip myself up somewhere. I'm afraid I am going to freeze up on the date and be silent. I don't know how to make conversation when the pressure is on.

I know I have a funny side. I know I can carry a conversation. But when the pressure is on I can't come through. I hope I'm more relaxed this time and will do better.

Basically what I am getting at is, how should I go about this second time out? I think the first time was at first more like two old coworkers getting together. This second time I think it is more of a date. So how should I go about it?

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Well lets add it up. She found you on facebook. She waited a whole year to try to break the ice with you and meet you again. Then you go on a 4 1/2 hour date, and she agree's to another date the next weekend. She's obviously very interested as well.

My advice is to you is relax and enjoy the moment. There's no reason to fear my friend. If she's the one, she will appriciate you for who you are. The more you know about each other the more comfortable you both will get with each other. Don't be afraid to ask about her family, upbringing, religion, parents, sibilings, places she likes to travel to, where she's been, what are her goals at this point in life, where she wants to be in the future, and whatever else that mind come to mind to bring you two closer together on a more personal level. I'm sure it will work out for you, cheers.

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Hi Mr. Selfdoubt smile

I agree with Starfire.
Ask her about herself and be a good listener.

Try not to worry ~ she may be as nervous about this as you are.

No-one knows what the future will bring. You may have found your Miss Right, or this may fizzle out after a couple of dates ~ but that's life, so just try to enjoy it.

And everyone worries. You are not alone in this.

Have you heard of the book 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' (or something like that)? ~ well take that advice and just enjoy meeting up with someone who must like you for who you are smile

Have a great time!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Thanks for the advice guys! I feel alot better.

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Good!
Have a great time smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Hallo

I see that as your name states you are indeed have a lot of "self doubt".
And I got to say that it is normal, because everybody have self doubts about themselves.
But the thing that gives you the assurance you are working out right is basically experience which you lack (as you say).

I got to be straightforward here and say: if you do not "jump in" and try things you will never abolish these self doubts.
If she comes out and joins you for a 2nd date that means that...SHES INTERESTED.
and as long as she is interested, you have a green light to push things forward.

Believe it or not, they always want us guys to push forward, they want us to advance and carry from 1st to 2nd and so on...
I bet you know this by yourself.

I highly recommend reading Deangelo's book
because it helped me a lot when I was starting out dating with girls, and when i used this information sub consciously I became better & better as time passed on.

Practice makes perfect, especially if you go about it over & over again. If you want to get an extra edge
try his book for assistance...

Good luck!


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Re Awkward silences..... nothing better than saying something like "well, gee, dont you just abhor these awkward silences", make light of it, then she wont be so tense about them either. As soon as she smiles and acknowledges it (and she will), you will both relax.

As others have said... LISTEN, ensure you make eye contact while doing so, it shows sincerity.

Whilst at tdinner however, still take charge of the situation re dealing with ordering, wines etc. Dunno how others feel about this, but i recall a few times where i didnt stick to protocol (latting the lady order first etc) it didnt go down well.

Open doors, pull out seats etc, still a bit oldfashioned perhaps, but its still the right thing to do.

You'll be fine.





"When will my wife understand that the "silent treatment" isnt actually a punishment?"
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Originally Posted By: SpookyMark
Re Awkward silences..... nothing better than saying something like "well, gee, dont you just abhor these awkward silences", make light of it, then she wont be so tense about them either. As soon as she smiles and acknowledges it (and she will), you will both relax....

I agree. That's absolutely true smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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