RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Confusion and Indecision

Sooo... First off, I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by posting this, so keep that in mind. I just want another veiw on the situation from someone who knows nothing about it.

Anyways!

I'm and eighteen year old girl. I have a wonderful boyfriend that I adore, and who loves me back. I can easily see us spending the next few years together. It's not one of those 'teen' romances. We're both fairly mature about relationships.

That's not the problem at all, though.

I recently met a boy through an online game and we became fairly good friends pretty quickly. Over the last two or three weeks, especially. I live in Seattle-ish, he lives in Ohio. He's 19, just a few months older than me. We've traded numbers and we talk online most days and occasionally on the phone.

He's a really nice guy, and a good friend. He knows I have a boyfriend.

The problem is that before when I first became aquainted with him, it was almost painfully obvious that he had a crush on me right from the start. It's always sort of thrilling, when you know that someone likes you, even if you don't like them back. I can be flirtacious, I know this, but mostly it's just my sense of humor. I don't like him as anything more than a friend.

Recently, he admitted that he liked me way more than he should. He is constantly telling me I'm pretty or amazing or some other sweet thing, and that he wishes I didn't have a boyfriend. He's said that I'm perfect for him, the girl of his dreams. And I'm thinking... "Where did you get that? We don't have a lot in common at all."

I've tried to gently reassure him that I just want him to be my friend, but that still doesn't deter him.

He wants to save up and visit me in Seattle this summer or sometime soon. I'd be fine with that, IF it was only just as a friend. But, I know that he's picturing himself sweeping me off my feet and stealing my heart away to ride into the vibrant Ohio sunset. He wants to "steal me away from my boyfriend".

I don't know what to say to him anymore. I feel like he's dissapointed in me when I reaffirm the "just friends" situation, but the next day he'll ask me again "what I get out of all this" (reffering to talking to him nearly every day online, webcamming, talking on the phone, etc). He takes it all as signs that I obviously love him or something, I don't get it.

He might be boyfriend material, but I do completely adore my WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND. I don't know how I can put it clearly to him, because so far he hasn't gotten the message. He asks the same questions over and over; all meant to get me to admit that I want to replace my boyfriend.

There are other things too, like how he's a virgin with trust issues due to being cheated on. Jokingly (I hope) offering me his virginity. He's not unnatractive, he just hasn't found the right girl, he says.

I don't know what to say to him anymore, and I almost feel like I'm leading him on. I don't want to just quit talking to him, because he is a good friend, I just feel bad that he adores me so much when I don't feel the same way.

Adviceeee? D8

Sorry for a wall of text, I know it's kind of a drag to read.

Hello Keruru

I think that we have actually had boys commenting, on here, that a certain girl must like them, really, in spite of what they say to the contrary, because they enjoy their company and have good times together, etc.
And I suppose that I can understand that.

However, I can really understand you, too.
When I was in my teens, there were boys whom I liked purely as friends, but who kept asking me out. Some girls would have gone out with them, anyway, I suppose. Others would have been dismissive and unpleasant. I just believed in being honest.
'I like you as a friend ~ but not in a romantic way.'
'I enjoy spending time with you ~ but only as friends'
'I will not date you.'

Cruel to be kind?
Maybe.
I think so.

You and this boy have become online friends in a short time. You do not really know each other, or know anything about each other. He may not even be who he seems to be. He has a crush on a dream girl ~ almost a make-believe girl.
'Offering his virginity'? ~ That sounds a bit over-the-top.

Certainly I know that online friendships and relationships can happen, but you would need to meet up, get to know and trust each other in person, etc, etc.
And in your case, you are not even looking for romance, as you already have a boyfriend.

Maybe if you met up, then this 'dream' he has would fizzle out ~ or maybe not.
If you do decide to meet him, then make sure that you are with others in a safe place ~ just in case.

Unless you are considering getting to know him ~ with a view to romance, then I think that I would be very careful in your situation. Indeed I think that I would be careful about it anyway.

You hear about all sorts of people, online, who may not be the best people to have in your life, or who aren't what they seem to be. You would not want them to feel that they have been led on.

This boy may genuinely be very nice and shy and your age ~ but you don't know that for sure, so be careful. And you don't want him to continue believing that you are his girlfriend. (One boy I knew convinced himself, and some other people, that I was going out with him just because he gave me a lift to the firm's outing!)

If you have no intention of getting involved further with him, then you need to make it very clear ~ much clearer ~ that you are not looking for romance; only friendship. And then, perhaps, cool the whole thing a bit, and spend less time interacting with him online.

And, as I said, if you do meet up, keep it safe and keep it cool ~ friendly, polite, but nothing that could be mistaken for anything more.

Could you chat with your parents about this?
It might be a good idea.
What does your boyfriend make of it?

He IS a bit over the top, when he jokes about it I'm just like "Ohhhh God, really?" haha.

And I do try telling him like that. He still does believe that just because I talk to him I must like him.

I'm very careful about who I meet online, though. I doubt it would ever really happen since a plane ticket costs so much.

My parents wouldn't really have anything new to say. My boyfriend actually doesn't care, because he knows that I wouldn't cheat on him or anything like that. We've even joked about the whole thing together.

BUT, PROBLEM SOLVED?
He decided just a little while ago to "stop talking to me indefinately" because what I wanted and what he wanted are just too different, and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt? Kay. I'm sad to see him go, but it probably won't last very long.

Maybe it will work out for the best this way ~ even if you just have a break from him. At least he now seems to acknowledge how you really feel.

hi keruru
i see what your problem is. many of us in our lives want to have or keep things that can't get together in one place. we can't have everything. it's the life's law! if you you don't forget or let him go, you may lose your lovely boyfriend!
i myself have lost many things in my life just because i didn't want to lose some other things.
he is constantly complaining that you don't tell him what he's wating to hear from you, just because you're sending him false signs! he's mistaken about your relationship but you can't make it clear to him.
the best way to get rid of this nightmare is to tell him CLEARLY that you ADORE your boyfriend and will NEVER give your heart and love for anybody but yor boyfriend. THis may hurt him both of you at first, but it will prevent future harms to you both. If he can accept this, then enjoy your friendship though i know he would most likely keep telling you the same thing since i'm a boy myself. He wants to have to at any rate!
You can tell him this, writing to him, sending him a message, etc.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I tried my best but after about four hours of off an on messages and trying to figure out why he wanted to just quit talking altogether, he cut off most forms of communication. So I'm pretty bummed about losing a friend, but I guess it's for the best.

I don't think that he ever really was the friend that you thought he was or wanted him to be, so concentrate on your time with your boyfriend and your other friends

Changed his mind again. Apologized profusely and said he was just having a bad night, etc. Basically behaving like a teenage girl. I'm a little frustrated, but it's understandable. So...

Well, just be careful, anyway