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#397826 03/28/10 04:46 AM
Joined: Jun 2009
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Hi all ^^ It's me again, Shinigami, or better known as Raven or Ashes.

Well, I'm not going to drabble too much.

My current boyrfriend and I have been (unofficially, meaning that we didn't declare the titles of bf and gf at that point) dating for a year. Within that year, I've gorwn VERY attached to him and... I would even say that I've fallen in love with him.

But... He's never ever told me that he loves me. I can understand that love is a very powerful word and all, but I crave those 3 words. He believes us to be more like soul mates.

What do I do? It's not like I can force him to tell me that he loves me...

~ Shinigami

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Platinum Star Soulmate
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Sakura - love to some people is an "ultimate" statement that you only make to someone when you're about to propose. They would not say they loved someone until they were prepared to marry them. It could easily be that your boyfriend is that way.

Remember love is not an on off switch. It is a long rainbow of feelings and colors. It could easily be that what you feel, he feels too. You could both feel just as strongly about each other. But while you say "I love you / and I'm not ready to marry you" for that feeling, he might say "I care for you deeply but I won't name it love yet *because* I'm not ready to marry you."

You should never worry much about what word or label someone uses for an emotion. It is like arguing over whether a given food is spicy level 3 or spicy level 5. You could ask 200 people and get 200 different answers to that question. It is all subjective.


Lisa Shea, Owner
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I understand.

But merely saying "I care for you" makes me question how strong his feelings truly are for me.

I'm extremely paranoid as my previous relationship scarred me for life and I have a LOT if trouble letting someone of the opposite sex get close to me.

I don't know what to do...

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Hi Sakura smile

You are still very young, but I don't know how old he is.

He may think that neither of you is yet ready for the 'commitment' that saying 'I love you' can result in.

He may realise that either one of you could change within the next few years ~ as young people often so.

Personally, I think that young people should try to keep relationships light ~ even though their very age makes their emotions run very high.

You were very, very sure of your last boyfriend, yet you now feel scarred by him. This current boy probably wants to give you ~ both of you ~ time, without pressure, to be certain that this relationship is a good and lasting one.

Have you told him that you love him?
If so, how did he respond?

Last edited by PDM; 03/28/10 05:25 PM. Reason: typo

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #397913 03/28/10 05:22 PM
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Wow... I didn't quite think about like that...

Well, if I may be very honest... I turned a blind eye to the abuse my ex put me through. I was very naive about relationships back then.

I've told my boyfriend only once that I love him (in English, which is our first language). However, I've told him numerous times in Japanese (which is soon to become my third language) that I love him. the only reason I've done that was because I didn't have the nerve to say it in English, which some might find a bit weird.

My emotions are running a bit wild. Our intimacy level is quite high, and I guess it's feeding my wanting to hear those words.

PS, he'll be 20 in November

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Words have little meaning. Actions have great meaning. Judge him by the things he does, not by the random words he does or does not say. Whether someone says things or not is pretty inconsequential. If they show you through actions how they feel, that is what matters.


Lisa Shea, Owner
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I guess so ^^ Thanks a lot!

Also, I have another situation I need help with.

So far, I've only gone on 2 actualy "dates" with my boyfriend. However, what he planned was really extravegant: 1) He took me to rose gardens, 2) He planned a day at the seaside on Valentine's Day.

Now, I'm sorta lost. He's now given me the chance to plan something and I'm running at a blank! How do I go about doing this? Never done it before, so I'm new to this game we play.


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