RomanceClass Forum Logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
Best Friend
OP Offline
Best Friend
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
I finally got an E-mail from one of my close guy friend and he sent me this really really long E-mail about whats going on in his life. I really want to help him but I don't know where to start. What should I response back on e-mail?? I really don't want to screw it up. Here's his email he sent to me.

Okay.. so I feel capable of telling you what happened.. at least, I feel like I can handle it. So I'm going to attempt it, but if it just randomly stops somewhere, I couldn't handle it and just send it to how far I could handle it.
Basically the last year had a lot of downs and ussually they all come back to haunt me at New Years and I use those as excuses to take it out on myself. It's like I'm basically searching for an excuse to hurt myself and those misguided rants against myself serve that purpose.

There are at this point two people who mean more to me than my own life means to me. Even if I didn't have this much difficulty, they'd still be above me. Those two people also happen to be located too far away from me to see them on a regular basis and that is slowly killing me. One lives in New Jersey and she is called Ashley. The other lives in Pennsylvania and her name is Kimber-Lee.

Now, I've had a bumpy past, mostly because of bullying and getting betrayed by people I thought I could trust. Situations escalated and I progressed more and more to a feral state of mind. There was nobody I actually listened to and with every step I took I was basically prowling for a potential fight. Hoping to prove something or to hope I got hospitalized. Which one, I'm not exactly sure off.

But anyways somewhere in that period I fell for a girl in the school I was at. I was too shy to confront her physically, so I told her how I felt through e-mail and apparantly she didn't like me at all. That was a huge let down and suddenly her friends started telling me all these things about how I somehow hurt her. Which I have no idea off how that was even possible.

And as ussual the situation escalated and one day is very clear to me. I was getting bullied by some idiot in my class-room and the only reason I didn't retaliate was because that girl I fell for was basically pacifistic. But because of the whole incident where I "hurt" her, I got xxxxxx off and that guy just pushed me over the edge. And all of a sudden that shy, introverted kid just shoved that bully straight with his head into a locker and threatened to kill him. And the sheer anger in my voice was apparantly enough for him to literally xxxx in his pants. I could see in his eyes how I broke him down with what I said and how he was scared xxxxxxxx at every sound he heard.

Then when I thought I was done with him, I turned around and walked away, seeing every kid in my school looking stunned at what just happened and that girl was standing in the crowd as well. We made eye-contact and the look in her eyes just hurt me.. I don't even know how to describe it.

But it was enough for me to feel really bad about it. Then together with some situations I was getting severly depressed and eventually attempted suicide. It was then that I met Kimey and Ashley online, and if I didn't, I wouldn't have survived that night.

Then at 2006 I met Kimey in real life, because I could stay with her for a month on a vacation. Meeting her at Pittsburgh airport was just amazing. I heard her voice on the phone when I stopped at Chicago O'Hara before flying to Pittsburgh and she just has the most amazing voice ever. It completely mellows me down and makes me think that everything is okay.

Staying with her went good, despite some incidents occoring. But I won't get into those. What matters is that it further provoked my negative thoughts about myself and later, when I got into a fight with her back in Holland. I then just linked every bit of love and sexual thoughts and everything that is supposed to make you look hopefull or happy to very depressive thoughts which are then used to bring me to a depression.

That was at the start of 2007 and progressed through basically the entire time untill like november last year. Those thoughts basically peaked at me having such serious thoughts about castrating myself, just to no longer how the testosteron hormone, thus a lot less reason to attack myself. I was so dead serious about it that I almost just jammed a knife body, hoping to cut the cords. Also thoughts about lobotomy were so damn serious, it's not even normal.

Then in november I got to stay with Kimey again, because of her wedding. And for a long time, she was the only one that was consistent in my life and the only one I could love enough to swear those vows too. And even at the rehearsel of her wedding it broke me up so much, because all that was flashing through my mind was that the only way that I'll know love is through letters on a monitor and the only way that I'll ever have sex would be through people abusing me when I'm intoxicated. And that I wouldn't ever have somebody even willing to settle down with me. It went on like that untill Kim pulled me out of it.

Then on her wedding itself the same routine happened only it got way worse. You see, I'm very introverted and mostly the only way anybody knows how I feel is by me saying it. And I never want to show I'm in pain and supress tears, facial changes and everything. But on her wedding, tears really went out bad, even though I was keeping it in for all I can. I couldn't barely eat anything and I began to feel suicidal again. And again, Kimey pulled me out of. She had to twice that evening.

Later that week I had a good talk with her and she gave me hope again. She knows that I love Ashley a lot and she told me that it would a really good thing if I would have a girlfriend, somebody who would be able to pull me out of those bad thoughts at any time of the day. Because if I'm in Europe, neither she nor Ashley is capable of. Over here, I'm all alone, nobody is able to pull me out and the only way it stops is if I pass out or am bleeding badly. And I'm afraid that maybe some day soon it won't stop untill a train spreads me out over 4 towns..

Ashley knows that at New Years these thoughts are at a really dangerous level. The only other time is in the period from Valentines Day to my birthday. So Ashley made me promise that I wouldn't get drunk on New Years. Basically, because I down that stuff like water to make myself numb to any physical pain I feel. And basically by feeling pain, I stop. So no feeling pain, means I won't stop.

Up untill like 3 am nothing happened on New Years. Primairly because of the influence Ashley has on me and me knowing that if I pull through and kill myself, they hurt the most. And basically the same thoughts that happened on Kimey's wedding occured that night. Together with thoughts that it will probably head down the same route with Ashley, that I would have to see her getting married with another guy before I get the chance to start something with her. And I know it sounds selffish, but it's how I feel and I can't help it. But also the thought that maybe I will be stuck in this xxxxxxxx forever, always far away from people I care about and always stuck with the obnoxious xxxxxxxx that I can't stand. And the fact that maybe out of sheer desperation with some xxxxxxx Dutch girl I'll end up the same path as Kimey went. Accidentaly getting her knocked up and being stuck with her for the kid's sake.

I do my best to stay positive, but it's too hard when scenario's like that are more than plausible. I've been surpressing every emotion towards romance or sexuality for the past 5 years. And every emotion that might result in a less than perfectly formal where everything's okay and I'm looking indestructible, I've been supressing for at least 3 years now to the outside world. Only to Ashley and Kimey I show my true colours. But I don't know how long I am able to prevent it all from gushing out, nor how long I am able to escape suicide at the last minute.

And with each yearchange it shows me how much I xxxxxx up, because I don't have nobody to distract me from my thoughts. And my thoughts keep reflecting on every mistake I've made and the things that can hurt me..


Last edited by PDM; 01/05/09 02:50 AM.
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Silver Star Soulmate
Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
I'm hoping that PDM or Barbara have some advice about what to say.

It's pretty obvious that it's not the people, nor the women that he is attracted to, nor any other circumstances which are causing his problems. He needs desperately to seek psychiatric or psychological help.

How to say that to him, or to inspire him to seek help, I'm not sure. Kind of depends on your relationship with him.

With the incidents he described, I'm surprised that someone has not already done a psychiatric work-up on him.

I truly hope you are able to do some type of intervention with your friend.

I don't know if this is okay with you or not, but I'm praying for your friend.


Marge is the love of my life.
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
I agree.

He needs help.

I think that you could suggest counselling ~ urgently.
Then the counsellor could judge where he needs to go from there.


Last edited by PDM; 01/05/09 02:51 AM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,032
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate
Offline
Copper Star Soulmate
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,032
I think you need to start by saying that you are there for him.

What is your relationship with him?

Does he live in Europe or is his "home" somewhere else.
Does he have any family anywhere.

He sounds desperate, and very very sick.
It also sounds like he is self medication with alcohol. This would indicate some kind of chemical imbalance.

I think that the starting place would be simply to state that you are there for him. Then you can move on to urging him to get help for himself. He will need to trust you first before he will listen to you.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 941
Long Time Friend
Offline
Long Time Friend
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 941
in case you are reading this while logged out...

i have sent you a PM... please read it.

no matter what thought, i wish you lots of luck to help your friend the best you can.



Bella
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
Best Friend
OP Offline
Best Friend
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
Originally Posted By: BLR
I think you need to start by saying that you are there for him.

What is your relationship with him?

Does he live in Europe or is his "home" somewhere else.
Does he have any family anywhere.

He sounds desperate, and very very sick.
It also sounds like he is self medication with alcohol. This would indicate some kind of chemical imbalance.

I think that the starting place would be simply to state that you are there for him. Then you can move on to urging him to get help for himself. He will need to trust you first before he will listen to you.
He's like a close family to me. We tell each other everything. I'm going to talk him in seeing a psychologist. I really hope he would go.


Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Good luck with that.

He knows he needs help and support ~ eg from the girls he mentions ~ and must realise that they cannot always be on hand, and are not trained in therapy, etc, so, if you are close, he might take your advice. smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
Best Friend
OP Offline
Best Friend
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,970
He's really stubborn and refuse to go to get help from a psychologist or anything of that order!


Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,032
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate
Offline
Copper Star Soulmate
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,032
He might be more likely to go to a MD - that would be a start and wouldn't have the same stigma that a "shrink" does.

You could talk to him about his problems might be some physical. Anything that would get him started in the right direction.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Stephanie, remember ~ you can advise him, but no-one can force him. He has to make his own decisions; his own mistakes.

However, he has, in effect, burdened you with an essay-load of his problems.
Having offered the problems to you, it is only right and fair that he listens to your opinions on them (in my opinion smile ).




"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Lisa Shea 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Latest Posts
Avoid Ghosting a Person
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:22 PM
Go To A Museum
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:17 PM
In Sickness and in Health
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:05 AM
i like my ex's friend
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:03 AM
Getting Closer to a Sibling
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:59 AM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:54 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

Newsletter
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Advertising
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5