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Joined: Dec 2004
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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Hello Maggie smile

Whatever the reason, it sounds as if this isn't working out for you.

Perhaps it began too soon after your divorce and you needed more time to sort yourself out.
Perhaps he simply has issues.

Ask yourself:
~ do you love him?
~ is the atmosphere at home good for your little girl?

Having said that, I can understand him feeling uncomfortable at your Mum's house.

I know that daughters turn to their Mums in times of trouble. Indeed, I'd probably recommend it, because, for most people, one's mother is the best friend they will ever have.

However, I do agree that what goes on between couples, unless it is dangerous behaviour and the relationship is over or about to be over, should be private. I know that if & when we have disputes, etc, with out partners, that we will feel the need to talk to someone ~ and who better than Mum ~ but for 'him' this is not good. It is embarrassing and humiliating. And then, when everything has died down and the argument has been sorted, he has to face her. That must be very hard. Mums can bear a grudge, on behalf of their daughters, long after daughter and partner have kissed and made up.

So, I am not condoning his behaviour, but I can understand some of his feelings.

Is it time to return to the warmth of your family, with your daughter, and heal your wounds?

Or is this man someone you want to spend your life with?

His behaviour seems potentially destructive ~ or am I wrong?

Maybe he just wanted you to spend your first Thanksgiving together. Maybe he got angry because you turned to your mother rather than to him.

I'm not trying to make excuses for bad behaviour, but there are always two sides to every story, and I'm just wondering about the other angle. What do you think?

Only you know what is right for you, but you may be in too much turmoil to be able to see things clearly right now.

Is he a good decent person, who you want in your life, but who felt sad, ignored and upset, so became angry?

Or is he a destructive and disruptive force, who is going to cause you problems and make you ~ and your daughter ~ unhappy?

You could try relationship counselling, if you want to work at this.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you lots of luck smile



"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 46
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I have to say this. Forgive me if I come off as harsh.

The entire point of a relationship, at least to someone like myself, is supposed to be fun, exciting, and create a loving environment that the persons involved can feel safe with each other.

It is obvious that this is not the case.

First and foremost, you must think of your child. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. I don't care how much you think you care about this man, but your child needs you, and her in such an environment is unhealthy.

Second, you must ask yourself... Is this what I really want? Do I really want the last thing said to me from someone I care about be a hateful curse toward me?

From everything that I've read, this man sounds very verbally abusive and controlling. If it is not his way, he'll become that very annoying child that holds his breath when he doesn't get what he wants. Cannot compromise, cannot even make amends or attempt to. Is this what you really want?

Things did move incredibly fast for you, it happens, but you have to know when enough is enough.

I wish you luck, but would hope that you do not put yourself or your child in a position where the two of you are not in control of your own lives.






--- My mother... she said. "Heaven's on one shoulder, but baby... Hell is on the other." ---
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