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Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi] #283785
04/24/08 04:43 PM
04/24/08 04:43 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 612
oklahoma
suzzie Offline
Long Time Friend
suzzie  Offline
Long Time Friend
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 612
oklahoma
ive been married for almost 2 yrs now..its my 2nd marrige....the first one didnt work out becasue we didnt have the same idea of what family should be..we was to young,,too young..we thought of are selves more then the other...with my 2nd marrige,,its soo great..we like alot of the same things and we just laugh at each other all the time..yes i said "at each other" if you cant laugh at the stupid stuff you do and what your hubby does. its not much fun..we think of each other. like how the other would feel ....also what was made are's work so well is we have Rules for each other... some of are rules are about friends, like he can not have a friend thats a girl and i cant have a friend that a boy, unlease its a family member or somehting in that line..see bouth are ex's cheated on us , so that was a rule we was both happy to make.. there are other rules, but we both agreed happily about each rule we make....also when im about to do something i ask my self "how would i feel or act if my hubby did this" asking your self this helps out on not having fights.....You well fight..alot!!! over small things and big. thats normal..its being about to look bcak at the fight and laugh. and never walk out on each other, stay ,nomatter how hard it is ,stay and fight it out.... and last but not least...make sure the good, all ways out waighs the bad!!!!! hope this helps hehe

Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: suzzie] #307175
07/03/08 06:13 PM
07/03/08 06:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 254
S
sala Offline
Friend
sala  Offline
Friend
S
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 254
Okay, I came back to look at the keet medical stuff and a link to this caught my eye. A friend of mine recently got married and my husband and I put together a list for her:

It's less painful to accept house rules than not.

Nagging can be avoided by remembering your partner's pet peeves.

It doesn't matter if he leaves the seat up.

If you want something done, start it yourself and hope your partner will fix the mistakes.

Arguments aren't for winning.

An agreement to disagree is still an agreement.

Having an excuse is like flying a kite--your partner just watches it blow in the wind.

The well-being of your partner comes before fun.

Just because he's yours doesn't mean you own him.

Similarly, just because she's yours doesn't mean you own her.

Saying "Sorry...." and meaning it isn't as hard as it sounds (even if you think it's not your fault.)

You really can't change a man... but if he knows what's best, he'll change himself.

The woman is NOT always right--just 95% of the time.

Love it.



The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on...
-Omar Khayyam
Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: sala] #307233
07/03/08 08:53 PM
07/03/08 08:53 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
And never go to sleep without making up, if you have had an argument!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: PDM] #310067
07/14/08 06:30 PM
07/14/08 06:30 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,870
Sycamore,IL
Kariva Offline
Tin Star Soulmate
Kariva  Offline
Tin Star Soulmate
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,870
Sycamore,IL
lol love them

Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: Kariva] #311151
07/19/08 12:58 AM
07/19/08 12:58 AM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,237
Darkness Offline
Soulmate
Darkness  Offline
Soulmate
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,237
I have no good advice that hasn't already been given. I'm actually horrible to be with lol.

But congratulations on your new marriage!


Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: happyfridays_1] #311152
07/19/08 01:07 AM
07/19/08 01:07 AM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
USA
masseur ichi Offline
Long Time Friend
masseur ichi  Offline
Long Time Friend
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
USA
The more you have to work at it, the more it isn't working. I know that sounds idiotic and circular but I can't think of another way to put it. Communication and clarity are, nevertheless, key.

Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi] #313426
07/26/08 08:43 AM
07/26/08 08:43 AM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 306
TX
L
Lady78 Offline
Good Friend
Lady78  Offline
Good Friend
L
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 306
TX
Do not hang on to pride if you love oneanother.

Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi] #316622
08/03/08 09:39 PM
08/03/08 09:39 PM

P
Pudgie's mom
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Pudgie's mom
Unregistered
P


Originally Posted By: masseur ichi
The more you have to work at it, the more it isn't working. I know that sounds idiotic and circular but I can't think of another way to put it. Communication and clarity are, nevertheless, key.
I agree, sadly. I think that there can definitely be a point of no return -- endlessly analyzing and arguing can become exhausting and can seem utterly pointless.

So when do you give up?

And are you working at it because one person is selfish and insensitive, or because you're both just having a communication breakdown? In the latter case, maybe a little more work might lead to a breakthrough that could save the marriage (or not...)...


Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: ] #316625
08/03/08 09:51 PM
08/03/08 09:51 PM

P
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered
P


One lesson I've learned from marriage is to try your best to have a very open and honest discussion before getting married about setting boundaries with relatives.

Everyone's heard the stories about the "mama's boy" husband who can't really function without his mother playing a key role in the marriage, but less extreme situations can be a major problem, too:

(1) Your brother-in-law has a key to your house for emergencies but you come back from vacation and there he is on your couch, simply because he "needed to get away from the wife."
(2) His niece gets $100 gift for high school graduation but my nephew only "deserves" $25.
(3) Aunt Bertha drops by unexpectedly every Sunday -- it thus becomes "expected" but you're still inconvenienced.
(4) Various brothers keep "crashing" at your house every time they're in town; the stays are never to visit you but rather to buy a vehicle, see a concert, party with old buddies, etc.
(5) Uncle Joe has yet another "crisis" for which your spouse has to drop everything (including your dinner plans) and go see him; this has happened six times this summer......

I understand that we all want to "be there" for our relatives, but I think that the marriage should come first and foremost.

Okay - done ranting! smile

Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: ] #317002
08/05/08 12:50 PM
08/05/08 12:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
USA
masseur ichi Offline
Long Time Friend
masseur ichi  Offline
Long Time Friend
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
USA
Originally Posted By: Pudgie's mom
[L]ess extreme situations can be a major problem, too:

(1) Your brother-in-law has a key to your house for emergencies but you come back from vacation and there he is on your couch, simply because he "needed to get away from the wife."
(2) His niece gets $100 gift for high school graduation but my nephew only "deserves" $25.
(3) Aunt Bertha drops by unexpectedly every Sunday -- it thus becomes "expected" but you're still inconvenienced.
(4) Various brothers keep "crashing" at your house every time they're in town; the stays are never to visit you but rather to buy a vehicle, see a concert, party with old buddies, etc.
(5) Uncle Joe has yet another "crisis" for which your spouse has to drop everything (including your dinner plans) and go see him; this has happened six times this summer......


This stuff gets under one's skin after awhile. Filial loyalty means different things to different families, too. This can create issues as couples try to "equalize" the differences. You won't understand it until you're married.

Originally Posted By: PDM
And never go to sleep without making up, if you have had an argument!


Agreed, never go to sleep angry!

Last edited by masseur ichi; 08/05/08 01:34 PM.
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