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#272571 03/24/08 05:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 37
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My best friend wanted to go to her bf's early birthday party. She could only go if i went w/ her. She promised me she wood acknowledge i was there. But........the thing i ended up doing was sitting up in the far corner of the stair well, being the emo girl on the side lines no1 cares about. my best friend was too busy making-out w/her bf on his bed. She'd hav to b told that she was needed(i don't blame her 4 that she coodnt even c me), but that shood hav bin sumthing to wonder about though. The only ppl actually trying to cheer me up was a person i hated so much cuz of wat he did to my best friend(heart break, but that kind a shocked me he actually tried to cheer me up) but thats a different story 4 a different time & long over...but i hold a grudge. Anyway I felt like a prop just so she can b there, she was happy thats all i wanted for her was so she cood b happy thats all that mattered. But she still helped out w/ wat was bugging me a few times, but thats it. i coodnt wait to leave, i constantly told her & wasnt lying about how i felt so that made her feel bad, which wasnt my intention. She didnt like the way she treated me she apologised 4 it(not sure if that was enough). She spent the night that night too, & we discussed it, but i'm still not sure about it, it hurt sooo much to b ignored by my best friend, ecspecially win she broke her promise she had made to me ahead of time. I often wonder if i try too hard & waste too much effort on her, to what i get in return. Do I? & is it ok?


I only have one parakeet
Joined: Dec 2004
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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
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Hi Parakeet Lover! smile

From your other posts, I gather that your name is Andrew & you are 18 ~ I'm assuming that this girl is around the same age. Is that correct?

You say that she was only allowed to go to this boy's party on the understanding that you went too.
Why was this?
Was it so that she would have company on the way there and back?
Or was it because her parents wanted you to be her chaperone ~ ie prevent her from 'making-out w/her bf on his bed'?

It strikes me that you have been unfairly used ~ mainly by her, but perhaps by her parents, as well. After all, you are her friend; not her chaperone. And it sounds as if you didn't even particularly want to go.

However, I do understand the parents. I am always happier if my kids are out with friends, rather than on their own.

'i ended up doing was sitting up in the far corner of the stair well, being the emo girl on the side lines no1 cares about.'

And this simply is not fair ~ especially as you told her how you felt and that you wanted to leave! This made her feel bad ~ but you probably felt worse!

However, when teenage girls are in love, & with their boyfriends, hormones may often speak louder than fairness, unfortunately.

Of course she didn't want to leave, but she was behaving unfairly & selfishly towards you ~ from the minute she asked you to go with her, and all the way through the party.

She has apologised and you have learned your lesson.

She, herself, didn't like the way that she treated you and she talked it over with you and told you how sorry she felt, but that does not change what happened to you; it doesn't take away the miserable & lonely experience that you had.

Of course you feel hurt ~ especially as this was your best friend. She ignored you, left you alone, broke her promise.

You say that you often wonder if you 'try too hard & waste too much effort on her'.
Does she do this kind of thing a lot?
Would she help you out, if you needed her?

The thing is, when one friend has a boyfriend and the other one doesn't, there is an imbalance in the relationship. If both parties are willing, then this can be worked out. There an be some evenings with the boyfriend, and some with the best girl friend, for example.

As I said, hormones do affect people. Your friend may have fully intended to be with you that evening, but may not have been able to resist the boy.

However, it sounds as if she probably wanted to get together with him all along, but could only do so with you in tow. If that was the case, then it was very, very unfair on you.

The other thing here is whether she should have been in or on the bed with this boy anyway. I'm guessing that her parents thought that you might prevent this happening.

Is she worth keeping as your best friend?
Do you do too much for her?
Is it ok?

Only you can answer these questions.
But teenage girls do act like this and she sounds apologetic.

You have to do what you think is right for you, but don't agree to play gooseberry again, or you will just be a wallflower again. Not nice!!

Good luck!

PS.
Please could you try not to use text-speak on the forum.
Thanks! smile

Last edited by PDM; 03/24/08 10:48 PM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #272933 03/25/08 03:18 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
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Interesting post and situation, Andrew. I agree with PDM. I would guess that for you, having a best friend is very important. Yet, in this case, I'm not sure your friend qualifies. People who pull you down are not really the kind of friend you need. In my opinion.


Marge is the love of my life.

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