RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Jealous of my ex's new girl...

I've made a mistake. After telling my ex how I've been feeling, we've decided to get back together. I think telling him how i felt was the right thing to do. however, getting back together with him was definitely a bad judgement call. it is so awkward between us, and we never even tell each other "i love you" anymore. i know there are good couples out there who rarely say it, but we used to say it all the time. it is all just such a drastic change. I should've let both of us have more space. trying to get into another relationship was probably a good idea from kiki. I don't know what to do anymore. break up with him again? i can't do that... lol. perhaps i should just wait it out.. and just leave the situation as it is. I'll be giving him space too... while moving on with my life. maybe a month or two from now i'll have things under better perspective. i'm hoping that i'd find another guy by then... to take my mind off of my ex. meanwhile.. i guess we'll just be titled "bf & gf"... sigh.. =/

You really are confused, aren't you!?

What can anyone say to help?

You are going through a very emotional time and you probably need a friend.

Going through a break-up and a bereavement at the same time is going to cause you a huge amount of stress.

Trying to sort things out rationally when you are stressed and upset is going to be difficult.

I think that the best thing is to be as open and honest about eveything as you can with your boyfriend.

Hopefully things will indeed sort themselves out in time.

Good luck!

It will b sort of awkward in the beginning. But the most important thing u need 2 have between each other is trust. If u have that, everything will pretty much fall into place itself. And you're rite, give each other time 2 develop and process everything that's happened so far. Don't worry... it'll b ok.

sorry to be joining the thread late - but i have had similar feelings after breaking up with a long time S.O.

I think you have to really sort out some fundamentals:
1. When you were broken up, and he had a "date" - were you jealous because you wish you were with him, or did you feel bad because you were alone and you did not have a date.
2. Were you heartbroken at the thought of being without him, or heartbroken at the thought of being alone?
3. Did the problems you had that led you to break up with him go away? (They might have, if you began to communicate more after the breakup) ... Or do you think the same problems will arise again?

My experience is:
1. It is nearly impossible to remain close friends (esp best friends) after a breakup. You either get back together or you lose touch. To stay in limbo only plays mind games with each other and prevents either from getting into a different healthy relationship. You have to be willing to cut ties if you are going to break up again.
2. Watching an x get a S.O. before you is always hard. There are alot of feelings of emptiness that goes with that. But that is not the same as wanting your x back for good reasons. You have to get away from that - which is a good reason to cut ties a bit.
3. Being on your own for a while is always a good option - even if it is often the most difficult option. You have to be self sufficient and like yourself before you can get in a relationship - whether it is with your x or in a new relationship. Otherwise you will start to define yourself and your happiness by the relationship you are in. You have to be happy with yourself first. It is good to get a taste of independence for a while.

I am sure things will work out for the best with you, as you seem to be thinking about the issues at hand. And you have ALOT of time on your side - so don't feel compelled to stay with somebody when you are not optimistic about the future. But if you can work out the issues and things look bright, then good job too, for working through the rough times. Your heart will guide you.

Thanks victor. you really brought up some good points. I DO need to be more independent and probably develope a bit more self-confidence. I have realised that friendship really is somewhat impossible, so I have definately given up on the idea. However with my current situation, I think we treat each other more like friends than anything else, despite what we "title" each other. I'm going to try to distance myself from him a bit and learn to handle things independently again. Perhaps i'm just so conditioned to having him being by my side. I think my jealousy stems from the fact that he's moving on so easily while I'm stuck in the past. I know that the first few weeks of break-up is always the hardest though, so I'm sure things will get better for me in time (as with everything). =)

I'll keep you guys updated for any improvement or changes.

oh yes - i meant to mention that -
relationships are often just a habit.
you are used to having an instant companion for all occasions.
that is no reason in itself to keep somebody.

guys often start dating more quickly than women - i think its a rebound thing. women are a little more tentative i think after a breakup. guys just HATE to be alone - even more than women i think though they won't admit that - so they try to recapture the happy feelings they had in a relationship ASAP. women like to grieve a bit. i think i read that somewhere but can't remember... it had to do with the death of a spouse, but its the same thing with the "death" of a relationship.

alright so... i think i'm doing good. i've given him space.. and he's been letting me have mine, though we never really came to any agreement with anything. i think part of me is still confused as to exactly what i want. there's a huge part of me that just won't let go, yet reason and logic is telling me to move on. there are times when i'm doing really well and things seem to go smoothly even when i'm thinking of him. at other times however, i get the urge to really just talk and talk to him. but even when i do, i know we'll have nothing to say to each other. i need advice on how to get through this easier. it would help also of course if i get some motivation every now and then. still being so far from home, i can't hang out with friends and spill my heart out to them as i would like. =/

i want to forget him so badly. >.< i need to move on... =( but it's so hard...

so are you saying that you guys are not together now .. like broken up?
if so, I would just try to be tough. Try to find anybody else to listen to you rather than calling him, even though you want to. Maybe some others will disagree with me on this. But it sounds to me like you want to find a better relationship but it is hard giving up a known quantity, even if it isn't quite what you want.
you are awfully young to be settling for something less than what you want.
that's my opinion, anyways.
you will certainly find a new relationship, but only if you let go of the first.
incidentally, you may always have feelings for somebody you have loved - but they seem to grow less intense.

I think that this really can be true.