RomanceClass Forum Logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#199459 07/15/07 06:43 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
M
mike313 Offline OP
New Member
OP Offline
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
Ok... I am 16 years old, and i have known this girl for about 10 months give or take 1 or 2... We have been friends only. But since school stopped I've been to her house. But one day she called me and said she had something to tell me, but she couldn't... i bugged her about it and she finally said that she like me...(I have also liked her but she seems more of a friend then a girl friend) she also said there was something she wanted to tell me but she refused to tell me... I told her she didn't have to. then the following day she called back and we were talking for a while when she went back to yesterdays topic and she said the other thing she wanted to tell me was... she was lesbian...I was surprised for I am a christian and I don't aggree with same sex marriage. I told her i was ok with it but i also told her about me not aggreeing with same sex marriage. after i was done talking to her i remebered what she said about likeing me... Im confused and i need help.. should i ask her out, just be friends... and what if she asks me out... This is just confusing for me...

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
Regular
Offline
Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
You're not the only one who is confused.

Let's get a few things straight, to start with. You're 16. If she's your age, then neither of you know what you "want" out of a relationship because you haven't had enough relationship experience to make that kind of judgment call.

As far as the lesbian issue, I'm confused how when a friend comes to you with something so intimate and personal how same-sex marraige issues have anything to do with it. Did she say, "I'm a lesbian and this is my girlfriend Judy. We're getting married in the fall?" I'm guessing not.

Being a Christian and being a friend are pretty much the same thing. Being a good person, and being good to other people. For someone who posted they want to be friends with this girl, you were certainly rather insensitive, inserting your own moral crisis into someone else's fragile situation.

I'll put it to you this way. A friend says "I'm thinking about killing myself." Do you say, "Well, I'm a Christian and we don't believe in suicide..." Of course not! "Coming out" is a major step in someone's life, and it was more important to you to judge your friend, rather than feel honored she felt comfortable enough to tell you something so personal. That is, in a word, tactless.

If you want my advice, it's time to be a better friend, and a better Christian. Christ did not intend for your beliefs to act as a spiritual harness. If there's one thing he preached about, it's finding God in other people by treating them well, without judgment. You have a lot of growing up to do.

Last edited by Robii; 07/15/07 12:51 PM.


Setzer & Newbie!
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Originally Posted By: mike313
Ok... I am 16 years old, and i have known this girl for about 10 months give or take 1 or 2... We have been friends only. But since school stopped I've been to her house. But one day she called me and said she had something to tell me, but she couldn't... i bugged her about it and she finally said that she like me...(I have also liked her but she seems more of a friend then a girl friend).....after i was done talking to her i remebered what she said about likeing me... Im confused and i need help.. should i ask her out, just be friends... and what if she asks me out... This is just confusing for me...


I assume that you, Mike, are a boy?

From the above I would guess that this girl might have a romantic crush on you.

However ...

Quote:
'then the following day she called back and we were talking for a while when she went back to yesterdays topic and she said the other thing she wanted to tell me was... she was lesbian'


So, I too am confused!!!???

Does she mean that she likes you enough to trust you with her secret ~ could that be it?

Anyway ~ she has trusted you with this and you said that that you were 'ok with it but i also told her about me not aggreeing with same sex marriage'.

So, are you really OK with it?
Being a Christian and not agreeing with same-sex marriage, are you really OK with it?

Jesus apparently said 'love one another' and 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone' and 'be a good Samaritan'.
As a Christian, you should remember those things.

Welcome to the forum. smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Silver Star Soulmate
Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
I agree with Robii and PDM. Examine your heart. Do you want to be a friend to her? Do you like her? The question of whether there is or is not a romantic attraction from her to you is not the main issue. If you like her, maybe your friendship with her will help you resolve any possible question you have in your mind as to whether you can square your religious convictions with your heart's feelings.

There is a freedom in learning that friendship can transcend race, gender, sexual orientation, and much more. For that matter, Jesus had no problem with being friends with people who did not fit a mold set by others.


Marge is the love of my life.
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
M
mike313 Offline OP
New Member
OP Offline
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
I have decided to be just care for her and support her through her hard times. Becuase there is alot more stuff going on then what I've said. Problems in side her family with her parents and stuff... She says that being lesbian might be a phase and she might get over it... She doesn't have a girl friend that I know of.

I'm just going to try and be a good friend to her and wait and see if it changes to be anything more...

Oh and robii when i told her that i don't aggree with same sex marriage I was just showing her how i felt about it i wasn't trying to force it on her or anything... and i know i got a lot to learn about relationships since this will be the closest I've gotten to have one...

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
Regular
Offline
Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
Well, the comment was still inappropriate, although I apologize for my tone earlier. I know too many Christians who let their beliefs get in the way of doing things in the true Christian spirit. It's not your place to dictate the way another person lives. It's your job to be her friend, accept her for who she is, and support her during the hard times. I'm glad to see you stepping up to some of that responsibility.

One of the highest causes of teen suicide has to do with confusion about one's sexual orientation, and how it will be received by others. It's a VERY touchy subject. I would like to think a good friend would come to my wedding, wanting me to be happy with the person who completes me, rather than putting up barriers. That's what true friends do. I hope this realization comes to you in time.

Best wishes.



Setzer & Newbie!
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,997
T
Silver Star Soulmate
Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
T
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,997
Originally Posted By: Robii

Let's get a few things straight, to start with. You're 16. If she's your age, then neither of you know what you "want" out of a relationship because you haven't had enough relationship experience to make that kind of judgment call.


Firstly, I just have to say, I don't know how old you are, either you're his age too, and think since you havent had "relationsip experience" that no one else must have, or you are of the older generation and believe no one that age would be having relationships like that or "know what they want" my mom says the same thing, but one of my very close friends is a lesbian, and trust me, she's had experience and she'll only be 16 in a few days.

It is not a choice people make, so when they say they know, they know...



anywhos. I agree with some of the above stated ^^ be there for her and listen, do not pass judgements, after all, she was a close friend before all this right? dont treat her any differently.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
You might be interested in this thread:

Lesbians in the Church
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=120687&page=113#Post120687


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
Regular
Offline
Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 56
Actually, I'm 27, and more than aware of the kind of relationships people have at 16. What I meant by that statement was that emotion "love" is a threshold like pain, and without having dated much to get perspective on that threshold, things can seem more intense than they might really be. If you've only ever felt romantic feelings for one person, then you don't know the difference between that kind of love, puppy love, and real honest love. You should have several kinds of relationships, both good and bad, give and take, and the break-ups and pain to go with those experiences before you really learn to appreciate what's "real."

My insinuation, if there was one, was that at 16, it's doubtful either have dated enough to be able to sort out that kind of complex relationship from the usual rush of hormones.



Setzer & Newbie!
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
At 16, you can certainly be in love ~ you can even get married ~ but I agree that the teen years can be difficult, because of hormones, etc. Everything is more intense. This can make love even more wonderful or even more painful. Often what seems incredibly important at 16, no longer seems so at 26, for example.

I think that a 16-year-old probably would know if she were lesbian or bi-sexual by this time, but, it is also common for people who are not homosexual to have homosexual 'crushes' during the teenage years.

This whole situation does sound very confusing though.
I hope it works out well for Mike's friend because, as I said, teenage years can be difficult and it may be hard for this girl to talk about such a personal and emotional subject. She needs support from her friends.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Lisa Shea 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Latest Posts
Avoid Ghosting a Person
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:22 PM
Go To A Museum
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:17 PM
In Sickness and in Health
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:05 AM
i like my ex's friend
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:03 AM
Getting Closer to a Sibling
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:59 AM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:54 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

Newsletter
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Advertising
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5