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Where to start.

Currently, i'm dating this 19 year old guy and one of his friends, also 19, is head over heels for me.
Recently, my boyfriend has gone on a trip and I can't get ahold of him. I'm also at least 4 thousand miles from my house on "summer vacation" that I got dragged along to. My dilemna is that i've been getting rather close to my boyfriend's friend since i'm so alone here and can't get ahold of my lover. I'm fearing that I may have fallen in love with him as well. I was always one who thought falling for two was impossible. I take it that it's not. I keep thinking that this new love is only because i'm so fragile at the moment and need comfort that I can't get from my unreachable boyfriend. This comfort has gotten out of hand at least 3 times now by mine and my friend's fault. I feel guilty, and confused. My boyfriend and I had a rough start in the beginning already and my friend is convinced that me and my lover don't actually love each other.
Sorry if i'm not making much sense. This is 4 months worth of trouble pretty much that i'm tryign to put simply so you'll understand.

Basically, I love both my unreachable boyfriend and this comforting friend, but i'm unsure of who I truely want to be with for the long run.
My boyfriend has his guy moments, but he can be loving and caring when /he/ knows I need it. He's funny and easily makes me laugh.
My friend is a really nice guy who's been hurt by women before. (This give him an empathy bonus from me, sadly, which shouldn't be there.) He comforts me when I need it, but is also dead set on showing me I don't love my boyfriend. Claiming he "wouldn't get involved if [he] didn't think [my boyfriend and I] loved each other"

A small problem also is that both of these boys I only know over the net (but don't worry, I trust them both and went through precautions to know they're not rapists or anything). I'm meeting my boyfriend for the first time at an anime convention in less than 15 days. I was hoping I could have my decision before I see my lover.

I think that's it. Please help me T_T

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Originally Posted By: Coleslaw
...A small problem also is that both of these boys I only know over the net (but don't worry, I trust them both and went through precautions to know they're not rapists or anything). I'm meeting my boyfriend for the first time at an anime convention in less than 15 days. I was hoping I could have my decision before I see my lover.

I think that's it. Please help me T_T


Hi Coleslaw.

I'm confused,

You are falling in love with a boy you have never met and you are also dating another boy whom you have never met???
Is that correct or am I reading it wrong?

Quote:
'This comfort has gotten out of hand at least 3 times ..'


I'm confused and concerned at how 'out of hand' a relationship can get with someone you don't know.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

Take a step back and a deep breath. It is highly unlikely that you are in love with either of them. I know that it's possible and that people do fall in love over the Internet, but to fall in love with two people and not be sure which one you want when you have never met them indicates that, at present anyway, you are not really in love with either of them.
I may be wrong.

How do you know that they are who they say they are?
How well have you checked them out?
How can you really check people out over the Internet?
People pretend to be what they are not to gain the trust of vulnerable youngsters on the Net. Be very wary!

Be very, very careful if & when you meet them. If you do go, then go with friends or relatives. Do not go alone!

Once you know them, if they are as decent as you think they are, then maybe you will fall for one of them and he for you ~ then you will know.

But be very, very careful!

I really would not trust men getting too involved with you in such a personal way when you don't know them.

Beware!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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I already know all this.

And i'm 17, btw. When I meet my boyfriend at this anime convention, i'll be with my other 2 friends (best friends, actually), who would probably never let me leave their sight because they're so protective. And I know these two boys are who they say they are because i've talked to their friends. Granted, maybe, their friends are in on it too, but I don't think they could gain agreement of that many people.

I'm aware of precautions meeting someone from the net, and I may very well not be in love. I've been in love before, and this feels the same way.

Please don't tell me because of my age, I can't experience love yet. Children of my generation are actually alot smarter than most adults of my parents generation (1954 and so on).

Last edited by Coleslaw; 07/07/07 01:54 AM.
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I'm not suggesting that youngsters cannot fall in love.

We have a thread somewhere about just how young some people can be when they fall in love. I think I was nine ~ and I felt that it was real.

My concern, re age, is connected to my concern re the Internet. People ~ paedophiles ~ pretend to be who they aren't, so that they can groom children & teenagers.

No ~ children today are not smarter ~ they are more worldly wise, perhaps ~ but people are people.

But you asked for help and I gave the only response and advice I could.

You have never met these men.
You don't know them, so I cannot see how you could have fallen in love with either of them, never mind both.
I can't see how things can have 'gotten out of hand' with someone, if you have never met.
I can't even see how you can be dating someone else, if you have never even met.

Maybe being not-very-computer-literate is making me naive, but my only advice can be ~ wait until you meet them & get to know them before dating them or proclaiming your love for them.

I know that Internet dating can work, because it has worked for other people, so I wish you well.

I still say beware & be careful.

Good luck.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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I'd say you should all get together - your friends, his friends, everybody - but have nobody reveal their names. Spend the weekend chatting (in person) and see who interests you.

(Then get a background check)
good luck.

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coleslaw i think u are just trying to be cool or something i wrong know ---in love after talking to people on the net--hmm go and meet a normal person in person

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How am I trying to be cool, Nemo? I go onto a forum and present my problem. If I was trying to be cool, i'd make up a dumb topic and gloat how my life is perfect, which it's not.

I need advice, not criticsm, please Nemo.

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That helps alot, thank you Victor ^^ I'll consider doing that

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I know this sounds dumb, but I heard it worked from someone. If u can't decide who u like more, then make a list in your mind, or on paper about the qualities, moments and thoughts u feel about each guy. Make a list of good and bad moments. After your done, look at the list of the bad, if one has way more bad moments then the other, u know who 2 choose, but also look at the good, who's been there for u more. Who's cared 4 u more, who do u know better, and who would b better 4 u. Which qualities would u prefer. Try that, I hope it helps! It's sort of dumb, but hey, u never know the outcome of something unless u try it out! It's worth a shot!


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Coleslaw, how did it go?

Are you all right?


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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