Oh yeah. The moment I have time to start thinking, it's the end of that! When I get in bed and turn the tv off, that's where my head goes; to the scene at the vet, with him sick and laying there, with me holding him and talking to him as they start the process. I don't think I'll ever forget that. it was not the first time I've been present at such a time, but the first time for a pet of mine. I went with a friend for support and to get her doggie out of the car, a dobie, whom I really loved, and her owner could not do these things. She was immobilzed. (SP) I was shattered of course, but I could be there for my friend. In my own instance, I went alone because this was between me and my Merlin, and I wanted to be there for him with no distractions.

Today was a very hard day for me. I will be going along with my day, getting things done, working and whatever, till someone says something about him., and I seem to fall apart and relive the whole thing all over again!
One night I was dreaming that I couldn't find him. So I woke up and jumped up, upset that I couldn't find him till I realized that he is not here and will not be here again! OMG, that was hard.

I realize that I have to do something about this. So far, the only thing I've been able to do is to take him off of my picture-mail thing. I know it must seem silly, but I had a hard time doing that. he is still on my screen saver on my phone, and all his things are right where they were before he passed. I KNOW that i need to get myself a grip! Maybe I'm in denial. IDK.


Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin