I am struggling to figure this out myself. Dan is inscrutable.
I would not want to visit anyone in a dog slaughterhouse either. Or in an area that I had to deal with malaria, or an area with civil unrest. That would be tough to 'want' to return to.
But this place is gorgeous! And quiet. Tons of wildlife and streams and wide open skies. That is how I see it, at least. Obviously his mileage varies. He wants trees, and grass. Those things are at a premium in the high desert.
As far as the 'worth it' - this is as disturbing as it sounds. He has said he does not get as much out of the relationship as I do, that he doesn't particularly want to be in a relationship at all.
He wants to be utterly free, to not have to compromise or run anything by anyone ever. We've talked about the "captain" thing, and we decided it;s really more like "dictator" that he is. He says he does not like to share and can't play well with others.
But on the other hand, he gives me as much leeway to do whatever in life I feel like doing. I could take off tomorrow for Mars and he'd kiss me bye and say have fun, see you later.
I talk to him about how marriage isn't an island of one, but in truth he agrees he just wants to be his own island.
All I can think of to do is learn how to accept this, or leave him. He'd be fine with either choice, but doesn't like me being in-between.
