i have been dedicated to chastity and marriage for eight years ever since i became religious, being a male that is nearly impossible. i have never even come close to entering into a fulfilling relationship during that whole time though i have wanted to desperately. i'm now in a relationship with a woman who i'm 98% sure wants to get married and with whom marriage could quite possibly work. there are problems however. she's egyptian and her english is right on the borderline between good and not good enough. i write poety of a very difficult sort and one of my lifelong dreams was to read and enjoy poetry together with my wife but with her english that probably won't be possible for another 2 years. we also have difficulty understanding each other in conversation and some topics i can't talk about because i know she won't understand them. i love to talk yet sometimes i feel that i'm censoring myself. then there is the culture barrier. i love to talk about politics, history, literature but if i were to say the words homer, frederick douglas, or ralph nader she wouldn't know what i was talking about. the other problem is that i'm not as deep in love as i dreamed i would be. we've only been talking to each other for a month and i tell myself to be patient but i clearly am not even close to being as love as i once was with women who did not love me. i know you might be thinking: what's the problem? why are you even in the relationship? but this women is extremely beautiful and 99 out of a 100 men in this country would kill to have this woman and i myself keep fantasizing about married life with her day and night. yet i have very mixed emotions. i also tell myself that thousands if not millions have entered into marriage with mixed emotions and eventually it worked out fine.
