Dealing with Death

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
For the past 8 months, I have spoken every night to the love of my life. She is the most perfect person in the world. I love everything about her with all of my heart, and she loves everything about me with all of her heart. Last Thursday night, she was killed by a drunk driver. I am completely and absolutely devastated. This may sound stupid because I am only 21 and she was only 18, but you have no idea how in love we were and how perfect for each other we were. I now wonder if I will ever love again. How can I ever love anyone as much as I love her. I cry every night for her, and even though her services have already been conducted, I still cannot believe it. I haven't eaten in two days and I often find myself short of breath. How do I go on, how can I ever love again when there will never be anyone as perfect as her? Advice
Losing someone you love is extremely traumatic. Don't worry about the future right now. Just allow yourself to mourn, and to miss her, and to wish she was alive. That is all normal and part of what happens when you lose someone. Also, take good care of yourself. She would want you to. Try to eat and sleep and relax.

It will take a few months to get through this mourning period. And she will always be a very special person in your memories, through your entire life. But life is not about loving only one person. If you were a father and had 2 children, could you only love one of them? No, you would love each child in a special and unique way. Just because you love one child doesn't mean you cannot love the second child just as fully.

In the same manner, someday you will find another woman. She will be different than your first love, with her own special traits. She might be someone that your first love would have really liked, someone that could have been best friends with your first love. And you will find that you can love this new woman, for what makes HER special, without losing your love for your first darling. Each of them is unique.

-- from Jenn
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