The End of a Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been going out with my girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months tomorrow, and about 6 months ago our relationship started getting a little rough. We'd fight more often, and with her at college while I remained at high school, a tremendous strain was placed upon us. As time went by, I casually flirted with girls meaning nothing by it, but in time one of them started to like me. This wouldn't have been a problem, except I developed feelings for her too, and we told each other how we felt. However, I did not feel strongly enough to leave my girlfriend.

About a month ago, it happened again with a different girl. And I told her how I felt, but she had heard what I said to the first girl, and neither of them knew whether to believe me or not, and felt very hurt and betrayed. I did feel the same way about them though, as hard as that may be to understand, and I knew I had to tell my girlfriend everything. So after I had hurt her deeply as well, she forgave me, they forgave me, and it seemed all would be well.

But recently, as I rekindle my friendship with the two other girls, I still flirt with them, they still like me, and I think I still like them. And now I think I want to leave my girlfriend because I know I will just hurt her again, and I think I want to be with one of the other girls. Yet, I can't tell if this is just a crush or if it is the real thing, and if Iím willing to lose everything I have with my girlfriend over it. Please give me some suggestions to help me deal with my dilemma. Advice
If you keep falling for other women, and if you're having fights with your girlfriend, you really need to make a decision about your relationship. Relationships don't just "happen". They need constant work and attention. It sounds like you and she aren't working on the relationship if you guys are fighting, and that your attention is being given elsewhere.

That's not fair to her, not to you, nor to these other girls that you flirt with while you're taken. So sit down with your girlfriend and decide if you guys are going to work on things or not. Your main focus in life should always be your current relationship. If it is not, then it is doomed to failure. If you guys decide you just aren't going to put in the time and energy, then agree that it is over.

Once you've made that decision you can think about other things. Give yourself several weeks if not months for rebound quiet time!! Don't go into dating someone else immediately. That would be really bad. After several weeks, then you can start thinking about seeing others. But if you go right into dating or seeing someone new, that relationship will always be tainted with the thought of "did I *really* want her or did I just want someone other than my current girlfriend".

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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