I dont take care of myself and am hardly functioning at work

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating a guy for five years and in May of 2005 I told him I wasnt sure I liked him anymore at a wedding. I think I had a panic attack and he saw I hesitated the night before about going to the wedding. H was awa int hemilitary for four years and we stayed together, I wanted to break up here and there but he always said it would be worth it and he was right. He broke up with me once and came crawling back. WE have been long distance for long time and I would always go to him when he was home. After college I stayed at home for 2 years. I started teaching and he lived with his mom and dad two hour away. He moved out and into an apartment with friends and I was excited for him and happy for him. I still lived at home cause I was trying to get a job in the area he lived for two years. The summer of 2005 I had five interviews for jobs. My parents have a heavy influence over me and always didnt like him, but he felt uncomfortable because I lived at home and felt like we were 16 again. So I always went to him and had a good time. At this wedding in May of 2005 He said you stabbed me in the back and said is there someone else and I said no. So he started to leave called me a bad name and then I ran after him and begged him to stay and I was talking in circles to him. He left the next mrning and said if you arent 10% sure than I am not going to do this and he left. But I had no reason to break up with him. He was angry. I went back to school and then two weeks later he emailed me saying you have never been away from home and I have neevr met anyone who is so afriaid to grow up. He said to move out and then we will get back together and that my parents are controlling my life. So I was like what? So he missed my birthday and I was so sad then I was in the area and called him but he didnt call me back. So A few weeks later on the last day of school I was going down in that area and we decided to talk and meet. So we spent the night to gether and I lost a lot of weight and I panicked. and was like I have to please my parents and him too. So The next day he said go to your fmaily party and then come back, he said I m not going. So I didnt come back that night and he was mad and blamed my parents. My sister said just stay and go in the morning. So I met them in the morning and asked for advice form my friends. And they said just dont think enjoy your day and see what happens. So I went to a baseball game with him and then he I got all nervous and he said lay down with me and you will be ok. So I did and got up and said do you think we are just pusing something we dont have anymore. And he calle dme a nema and went downstarirs. And I have no idea why I said that. We had a good time. I mean it was a baseball game and drinking. So I went down stairs and then he called me saying are you comig upstairs. In th emorning he said I dont know what to tell you but I am not going to be taken advantage of and lead around by you. So he said I have to go to sleep so take your stuff and go. And he said one point for me. So I went to my sisters house and on the way back I stopped by and he said why did you stop by. He never liked surprises. We went out to eat and then I left. I was like I miss him I love him and I feel comfortable with him. He had texted me one day saying did you move out yet and I said no. He said let me know when you do. So I waited and we didnt talk for a while. My friend said he is joking cause Im "afraid to grow up". So I started teaching summer school and kept rehasing it with my parents what happened and how he said I treated him like sh*t and stabbed him in the back and it was my fault. I apologized over and over again. So I spent a lot of time with my sister in maryland for a few days and turned down my friends invites. I started teaching summer school and one day I went down to see him after I was done and I had to tell my mom where I was going and my friends and needed the ok to go. It's like I look for an approval to go somewhere. ause I am insecure and immature. So I went down with him and he was like maybe you need a hug and then he said what is wrong with you I want to make peace with you and then I got sarcastic with him and he said get out. He was mad and then I stomped my foot in front of him, and then I came back and apologized and he said you are a joke. And tried to kiss him but he pushed me away. Then I left but he said you can stay and I will buy you clothes for school the next day. I was playing amean game with him, and he said everytime I think we are going ot get back together you get my hopes up and sh*t on me, Which is true. Im kind controlling and jealous. A few days later He found out I was going to Florida and he said dont go there to my relatives house, but I did anyway ause I was invited and my cousin lives there. Before I left he said to come down and he will take me to the airport but I had already had plans to take myself, but he said do something sponeatous. Cause Im an old lady. So After florida he invited back to his house and he said what road are you on and I wasnt on the road to his house, so he said forget it. He was angry with me cause then I had to go home, which I didnt have to. I have troble making my own decisions. Andhe saw that. Time went by and I kept teaching summer school and didnt call him. After that I had some trouble, my parents went away and I was scared to be at home. I kept calling everyone and was like what do I do and I am worried. I went out with some friends and would go shopping but had severe anxiety attacks. i went out drinking and called him and told him I loved him and he said i love you too and call me later. So I did. I spent a lot of my summer in the car and sitting on my steps not knowing what to do. He would say I forgive you what are you going to do and I would hesititae. he said that's not good. So he would hang up. In June I called him and said Im coming down and he wa slike are you in a godo mood. And then he found out i was taking a class and that I was usin ghim. He went to work and he would call me three times a day and I would pace the floor not knowing where to go and if I should stay or go. He had plans that night and got frustrated with me. So I left and went to class. We met for diner and he said the rule is you cant come back to the apt cause you know what will happen. So I went back and we made out and then I left. He said just stay but I stood in his doorway for 20 minutes not knowing what to do and I wold ask him is it ok if I go. He then told me that I am beating a dead horse. So I went home and hung out at home for a while. we would email and I would be who are you seeing and he said none of your business. I went out on two dates. Then I had a chance to take ajob in his area and he said go for it and he said i have a feeling you wont take the job. so I stood by a chair for three days couldnt even dialing the phone. I wanted someone to make the deicion for me. So I lost that opportunity. He was mad. Then I took an apartment and he came up one day and we hung out in the morning he said thanks for the booty call. Then I told his roomate and he yelled atme saying he was joking. So I was like ok. Then he said dont call me or text me. Before that I told him that I couldnt live wihtout him and he said dont say things like that. He also at one point told me to leave his apartment cause I was being miserable and mean. And he threatened to call the police cause I sat in this parking lot. Then he said you are playing games and your decisions arent basedon me. He gave me one last chance to go down there and I sat in my car for four hours when I should have just went down there. He said you are lying and he said what s wrong with you. I told him i have depression and compulasive acts and he said you are lying to me. So after he came up to the apartment he said you are spoiled and make yourself look good. So I told his mom something and he got mad. I ran up his phone bill too cause I text him even though he asked me to stop and respect him too. He was my first love and my first real boyfriend. So I have not been staying at the apartment cause I have threatened to take my life. I started cutting myself to hurt me since I hurt everyone around me. He has called me hurtful names and a jealous physcho stalker. Which basically I am. he said he wold get a restraingin order against me if I didnt stop. One night I was drinking and decided to go see him and I let myself into his apartment. went to his room, I tried to call him but he doenst answer me on ly certain times. I woke him up and told him that I was sorry and he saidyou are a horrible compualisve liar, cause I told him I kissed an old flame and he called me when in fact I called him. Then He said I bet ya I could make you so jealous right now and tell you there was a girl lying right where you are and he said get your nasty hands off me and he aid you will never know. I checked his phone and there was a girl's name missy. He said get out and stop annoying me , I ran out of gas on the way home and then hoppined into some strangers car and got a ride to the gas station. So I didnt see him over Thanksgiving and he keeps asking me where are you? He said he met people. So then he came up to see me at my apt cause I suggested sex. then he said I want you to get better. I went down to see him and we had sex and he keeps saying I want to see how you act. I dont know why I do the things I do. So now he says I live in the present you live in the past. He said lets see how it goes and play it out. But is he using me for sex? He is hurt and I understand that. I am also trying to control him. What do I do? I need him. and want him back and am so unhappy and miserable right now. I dont take care of myself and am hardly functioning at work. Thanks MISERABLE

RomanceClass.com Advice
I'm sorry but you need far more help thaN an email through the Internet.

You should get counseling as soon as possible, especially since you have been cutting yourself. Look in the phone book under Psychotherapist or Counseling. You may feel like you can't afford it, but really you can't afford not too.

It's possible that you have health insurance through your work that would pay most of the bills. Check into that too.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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