Now, it seems I have no moves left, no options with a reasonable outcome

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Its been nearly 4 years since me and my ex broke up. I still can't get her out of my mind. She wasn't my 1st serious relationship, and hasn't been my last. At one point I had convinced myself that I had moved on, but I really hadn't. Now, it seems I have no moves left, no options with a reasonable outcome. What can I do?

We started out as best friends, for over a year. We shared everything. We had total trust, and then we made it more. I'll spare you the details, but, it was, the best time I've ever known. I cannot remember being happier or wanting to love and take care of another person as much. It ended. I've felt lost ever since. I lost my best friend, and I cannot remember anything hurting so much. We tried to stay friends, but as usual, complications turned the friendship into awkward looks from across the room, etc.

She moved on, and I tried. I convinced myself that the love for her was gone, and over a year later, that I loved my new girlfriend. College came, long distance. By spring I had realized I made a mistake. I spent more time thinking about my ex than my gf. I still loved my ex, I knew it all along, I couldn’t suppress it any longer. I broke up with her.

The original ex and I talk every now and then. We try to make it like nothing is amiss. She tries hard to be nice to me, but I know that she cannot find the genuine friendship in her. She’s now in her 2nd, serious relationship since we were "us."

I miss our friendship so much. I've told her clearly once or twice. I miss her so much. I feel like an empty shell. The love is still there. I am not sure why. I wake up everyday and its there. I've told myself a thousand times that its over, she’s not coming back, that ship has sailed. She’s a different person with whole other life and happiness. No matter how many times I say it, my heart doesn't believe it. It doesn't make any sense.

I've tried dating others, the serious relationship, the one weekend fling. I want to move on and I can't. It’s like my heart is holding me prisoner. "Just wait a lil' longer, she'll come back." She broke me in two. She's my "one that got away." And I'm now "that guy." Secretly stuck on an ex girlfriend.

I have the letter. You know the one, it has the whole truth, nothing but the truth in it. I've had it for a year now. I don't know whether to give it to her or not. Her happiness, her life is not for me to just selfishly mess with. The best plutonic girl friend I have now, one of two people who know, tells me to give her the letter. Life is short, sieze the day, dont wait, and all that

I've considered professional help. Asked myself if me thinking about her this much constitutes stalking, obsession is already a given. I don't expect her to come running back to me. But, what else can I do? How did it come to this? 4 years and its not over for me.

Sorry for making this so long. Advice
The answer to this is rather short.

Since you are still in college, make an appointment with your Student Health Services and speak with a professional counselor who can help you understand what is going on and how to move on.

You should hold onto that letter until you have give counselling a chance.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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